Writeacher will give you some pointers, but from my perspective, good writing. I notice you use a lot of commas, which slows reading, and often can be eliminated. I am a commakazi also, so I can't critize. But it does slow the reader. I wish I could break that habit.
I am wondering why you have not seen "A league of their own" with my favorite movie star.
Should I revise anything?
"I don't possess many memories that consist of baseball, as I have never watched an actual game or played the sport. However, when I think about it, the film The Sandlot, a 1993 American coming-of-age film directed by David M. Evans, which tells of the story of a group of young baseball players during the summer of 1962, always comes to mind. I suppose this is because, when I was far younger, my father constantly insisted that my older sisters and I should watch it. Nevertheless, at the time, I never understood why. There were several notions, though. At first, I thought that, perhaps, my father wanted to encourage us to play baseball, or at least learn how to. However, now I know that it was one of his favorite movies, and that he merely wished to torture us by forcing us to watch it repetitively.
Nevertheless, there were many wonderful aspects of watching it. For instance, the film enhanced my knowledge of the sport that is still my least favorite. It brought my siblings and me closer to my father in a manner that very few things did, creating pleasantly hilarious memories. Therefore, to this day, I have never thought about "smores," or Babe Ruth, in quite the same way."
8 answers
How can you revise this and turn it into 2 or 3 understandable sentences?
However, when I think about it, the film The Sandlot, a 1993 American coming-of-age film directed by David M. Evans, which tells of the story of a group of young baseball players during the summer of 1962, always comes to mind.
It also seems wordy in many places, such as this: Nevertheless, at the time, I never understood why. There were several notions, though.
How can you get rid of wordiness throughout?
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/concise.htm
Where else are you using too many words or unnecessary words or even contradictory words?
However, when I think about it, the film The Sandlot, a 1993 American coming-of-age film directed by David M. Evans, which tells of the story of a group of young baseball players during the summer of 1962, always comes to mind.
It also seems wordy in many places, such as this: Nevertheless, at the time, I never understood why. There were several notions, though.
How can you get rid of wordiness throughout?
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/concise.htm
Where else are you using too many words or unnecessary words or even contradictory words?
Correction: "I don't possess many memories that consist of baseball, as I have never watched an actual game or played the sport. However, when I think about it, the film The Sandlot always comes to mind. I suppose this is because, when I was younger, my father continuously insisted that my older sisters and I should watch the 1993 American coming-of-age film. Nonetheless, I never understood why. At first, I thought that my father wanted to encourage us to play baseball or at least learn how to. However, now I know that it was one of his favorite movies, and that he merely wished to torture us with it.
Nevertheless, there were many wonderful things that came out of watching it. First, it enhanced my knowledge of the sport, although it is still my least favorite to this day. The film then brought my siblings and me closer to my father in a manner that very few things did, creating pleasantly hilarious memories. Thus I have never thought about "smores," or Babe Ruth, in quite the same way since."
Nevertheless, there were many wonderful things that came out of watching it. First, it enhanced my knowledge of the sport, although it is still my least favorite to this day. The film then brought my siblings and me closer to my father in a manner that very few things did, creating pleasantly hilarious memories. Thus I have never thought about "smores," or Babe Ruth, in quite the same way since."
Better.
Seems repetitive: Nonetheless ...Nevertheless
Seems odd ... you never understood why, but then you explain why???
"pleasantly hilarious" -- please look up the meanings of both words and let me know why they don't seem to belong together.
Overall, it's better, but can still be smoothed out.
Seems repetitive: Nonetheless ...Nevertheless
Seems odd ... you never understood why, but then you explain why???
"pleasantly hilarious" -- please look up the meanings of both words and let me know why they don't seem to belong together.
Overall, it's better, but can still be smoothed out.
Is this better?
"I don't possess many memories that consist of baseball, as I have never watched an actual game or played the sport. However, when I think about it, the film The Sandlot always comes to mind. I suppose this is because, when I was younger, my father continuously insisted that my older sisters and I should watch the 1993 American coming-of-age film. As a naturally curious person, I always wondered why. At first, I thought that my father wanted to encourage us to play baseball or at least learn how to. However, now I know that it was one of his favorite movies, and that he merely wished to torture us with it.
Nevertheless, there were many wonderful things that came out of watching it. First, it enhanced my knowledge of the sport, although it is still my least favorite to this day. The film then brought my siblings and me closer to my father in a manner that very few things did, creating hilarious childhood memories. Thus I have never thought about "smores," or Babe Ruth, in quite the same way since."
"I don't possess many memories that consist of baseball, as I have never watched an actual game or played the sport. However, when I think about it, the film The Sandlot always comes to mind. I suppose this is because, when I was younger, my father continuously insisted that my older sisters and I should watch the 1993 American coming-of-age film. As a naturally curious person, I always wondered why. At first, I thought that my father wanted to encourage us to play baseball or at least learn how to. However, now I know that it was one of his favorite movies, and that he merely wished to torture us with it.
Nevertheless, there were many wonderful things that came out of watching it. First, it enhanced my knowledge of the sport, although it is still my least favorite to this day. The film then brought my siblings and me closer to my father in a manner that very few things did, creating hilarious childhood memories. Thus I have never thought about "smores," or Babe Ruth, in quite the same way since."
Far better!
You won't submit this with the opening and closing quotation marks, though, will you?
You won't submit this with the opening and closing quotation marks, though, will you?
No, of course not.
Thank you.