you seem to be missing parallel structure...
"In the following paragraphs, I will be elaborating on her musical ambitions, such as the places she's performed, the people she's performed with, the pieces she's sung, and the awards she has won throughout this. Her life also consisted of charity works,........"
if it were me, the beginning of the paragraph discusses her musical ambitions and then you just kind of throw charity work in there. i would separate them. it's seems like ur trying to shove too much into one sentence.
Satisfy me by improving this and I'll be thankful to you 4ever.
In the following paragraphs I will be talking about her life, where and who she performed with, which songs she sang, and what awards she won, and her charity work.
It seems like Im missin something around in there somewhere, sentences are all like patched up together
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elisabeth ur sentence is way better compared to mine, thanks B.F
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