Read the story below.

Question

"Bailey's Escape"
Kayla gasped for air. She knew if she stopped now, she may not see Bailey again. The little dog had leaped over the fence when the fireworks started and took off down the street. He obviously did not care for the fireworks.
Kayla turned the corner onto Applegate Avenue when she heard a sound. Kayla stood still, listening for Bailey. Sure enough, she heard a few small yips coming from the Jackson's open garage. Kayla walked toward the Jackson's house. A moment later, Mrs. Jackson met Kayla on the front walk holding Bailey.
"Thank you so much," said Kayla. "I've been chasing him!"
"Well, I don't blame him for running," Mrs. Jackson replied, handing the dog back to Kayla. "Those loud sounds have been getting on my nerves too."
Kayla walked home holding Bailey to keep him from squirming away. Once they were back inside the safety of their house, Kayla put Bailey in his dog bed and he settled down.
Rewrite the story to add sensory and figurative language as directed in the instructions above. Remember to highlight and label each phrase or sentence that you add. (This box will enlarge as you type if you need more room.) TWO examples of Imagery- Use description to add sensory language that appeals to your readers senses of sight, sound, smell, touch, or taste. Use at least TWO of the five senses.
(4 points)
Simile- add a comparison that uses "like" or "as" (2 points)
Metaphor- add a direct comparison that says one thing is another thing (2 points)
Personification- add a phrase where you give human traits to something that is not human (2 points)
Hyperbole- add an exaggeration (2 points)
Onomatopoeia- add a word that represents a sound (2 points)
Oxymoron- add a phrase made of two or more words that actually have opposite meanings
(2 points)
1. Highlight each phrase or sentence that you added with the appropriate color and add a label with the type of sensory or figurative language used.
2. Make it seem like a 9th grader wrote it

Answer 1

"Bailey's Escape" - Revised Version

Kayla gasped for air, her heart racing like a wild drumbeat in her chest. She knew if she stopped now, she may not see Bailey again. The little dog had leaped over the fence when the fireworks started, his small body a blur of fur, and took off down the street on a mission of panic. He obviously did not care for the fireworks, which exploded like angry bees in the night sky.

Kayla turned the corner onto Applegate Avenue when she heard a sound, a faint whimper that cut through the night like a whisper in the wind. She stood still, listening for Bailey with her ears perked up, straining to catch any hint of his presence. Sure enough, the unmistakable sound of small yips reached her ears, echoing like tiny bells. They seemed to come from the Jackson's open garage. Kayla walked toward the Jackson's house, the cool night air swirling around her, carrying with it the scent of freshly cut grass mixed with the lingering odor of smoke from the fireworks.

A moment later, Mrs. Jackson appeared on the front walk, her eyes wide with concern as she cradled Bailey in her arms. "Thank you so much," said Kayla, her voice tinged with relief. "I've been chasing him!"

"Well, I don't blame him for running," Mrs. Jackson replied with a sympathetic smile, handing the dog back to Kayla. "Those loud sounds have been getting on my nerves too. They’re like thunderous roars from unleashed beasts!"

As Kayla walked home, Bailey squirmed against her chest, his wet nose cold against her skin, reminding her of a small, shivering star. Once they were back inside the safety of their house, a fortress against the chaos outside, Kayla gently placed Bailey in his dog bed. He settled down with a sigh, as if the world outside had been erased, finding peace in the calm embrace of home.

"At last, our little whirlwind is home," Kayla murmured, watching as Bailey curled up like a little crescent moon on his bed.

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Highlighted Additions and Labels:

1. her heart racing like a wild drumbeat in her chest (Simile)
2. *his small body a blur of fur * (Imagery - Sight)
3. which exploded like angry bees in the night sky (Simile)
4. a faint whimper that cut through the night like a whisper in the wind (Simile)
5. the unmistakable sound of small yips reached her ears, echoing like tiny bells (Simile - Sound)
6. the scent of freshly cut grass mixed with the lingering odor of smoke (Imagery - Smell)
7. her eyes wide with concern as she cradled Bailey (Personification)
8. Those loud sounds have been getting on my nerves too. They're like thunderous roars from unleashed beasts! (Metaphor)
9. Bailey squirmed against her chest, his wet nose cold against her skin (Imagery - Touch)
10. a fortress against the chaos outside (Metaphor)
11. He settled down with a sigh, as if the world outside had been erased (Personification)
12. “At last, our little whirlwind is home,” (Oxymoron - “little whirlwind”)
13. as Bailey curled up like a little crescent moon on his bed (Simile)
14. reminding her of a small, shivering star (Metaphor)
15. The cool night air swirled around her (Imagery - Touch)

This edit integrates sensory experiences and figurative language to enhance the narrative’s emotional impact and vividness, making it more appealing to readers.

Answer 2

Can you make it shorter

Answer 3

"Bailey's Escape" - Shortened and Revised Version

Kayla gasped for air, her heart racing like a wild drumbeat in her chest. If she stopped now, she may not see Bailey again. The little dog had leaped over the fence when the fireworks exploded like angry bees in the night sky and bolted down the street in panic.

As she turned the corner onto Applegate Avenue, she heard the faint sound of small yips, echoing like tiny bells. It came from the Jackson's open garage. Following the sound, Kayla caught a whiff of freshly cut grass mixed with smoke lingering in the air. Mrs. Jackson soon appeared, cradling Bailey with concern in her eyes.

“Thank you so much,” Kayla sighed in relief. “I've been chasing him!”

“Well, I don’t blame him,” Mrs. Jackson replied, handing Bailey back. “Those loud sounds are thunderous roars from unleashed beasts!”

As Kayla walked home, Bailey squirmed against her chest, his wet nose cold against her skin. Once inside their fortress of calm, she gently placed him in his dog bed. He settled down with a sigh, finding peace as if the chaos outside had been erased.

“Finally, our little whirlwind is home,” she murmured, watching him curl up like a crescent moon on his bed.

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Highlighted Additions and Labels:

1. her heart racing like a wild drumbeat in her chest (Simile)
2. when the fireworks exploded like angry bees in the night sky (Simile)
3. the faint sound of small yips, echoing like tiny bells (Simile - Sound)
4. a whiff of freshly cut grass mixed with smoke (Imagery - Smell)
5. those loud sounds are thunderous roars from unleashed beasts! (Metaphor)
6. his wet nose cold against her skin (Imagery - Touch)
7. he settled down with a sigh (Personification)
8. our little whirlwind is home (Oxymoron - “little whirlwind”)
9. curl up like a crescent moon on his bed (Simile)

This streamlined version keeps the core elements of the story while still incorporating sensory and figurative language.