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Read the emails that follow. On your answer sheet, explain what the sender did improperly and/or

informally. Then, rewrite the email in a professional manner.Remember, these are emails sent from student to
teacher, and therefore need to be written formally (in a higher register)

To:
From:
Subject: Hi Ms. Lorenzo
Wassup Mrs. Lorenzo?
How is your day going? Mine is going great. I am sitting here in art class and am supposed to be working
on a project, but I don't really want to. In fact, I don't really want to be in school. I hate school. My mom
makes me go because she says classes like English are "important.” I'm all like "whatevs mom.” English is
stoopid. Video games are where it’s at.
Anyway, I was looking online and it looks like you messed up my grade. You need to change it back
immediately or I will get in trouble. Can you explain this. Take care of this asap. Please and thx.
Have a good day! :)
Kevin Pepper

what's wrong with this email? how am I going to improve it?

1 answer

The email from Kevin to Ms. Lorenzo is inappropriate and informal for several reasons:

  1. Informal Greeting: The use of "Wassup" and "Mrs. Lorenzo?" is too casual and not respectful enough for a teacher-student communication.

  2. Casual Language: Phrases like "how is your day going?" and "I am sitting here..." create an overly informal tone. Expressions like "whatevs" and "stoopid" are also not appropriate in a formal communication.

  3. Lack of Professionalism: The expression of dislike for school and the subject matter is unprofessional. Complaining about school in this way is not suitable for an academic discourse.

  4. Demanding Language: Phrases like "you need to change it back immediately" and "take care of this asap" are demanding and rude. A more respectful approach is required when addressing a teacher.

  5. Unclear Context: The email doesn’t provide a clear and respectful context for the request regarding the grade issue, nor does it include any specific details or a request for clarification.

Revised Email:

Subject: Request for Clarification on Grade

Dear Ms. Lorenzo,

I hope this message finds you well.

I am writing to seek clarification regarding my recent grade in English. I believe there may have been an error, as I noticed a discrepancy while reviewing my assignments. I would greatly appreciate it if you could provide me with more information regarding this situation.

Thank you for your attention to this matter. I look forward to your response.

Best regards,
Kevin Pepper