Ask a New Question
Menu

Read the emails that follow. On your answer sheet, explain what the sender did improperly and/or

informally. Then, rewrite the email in a professional manner.Remember, these are emails sent from student to
teacher, and therefore need to be written formally (in a higher register)

To:
From:
Subject: Hi Ms. Lorenzo
Wassup Mrs. Lorenzo?
How is your day going? Mine is going great. I am sitting here in art class and am supposed to be working
on a project, but I don't really want to. In fact, I don't really want to be in school. I hate school. My mom
makes me go because she says classes like English are "important.” I'm all like "whatevs mom.” English is
stoopid. Video games are where it’s at.
Anyway, I was looking online and it looks like you messed up my grade. You need to change it back
immediately or I will get in trouble. Can you explain this. Take care of this asap. Please and thx.
Have a good day! :)
Kevin Pepper

1 answer

The email from Kevin Pepper to Ms. Lorenzo contains several informalities and improper elements for a student-teacher communication. Here are the main issues:

  1. Informal Salutation: The use of "Wassup" and "Hi" is too casual for a formal communication.

  2. Informal Language: Phrases like "whatevs," "stoopid," and "where it’s at" are inappropriate for an academic environment. They undermine the professionalism expected in a student-teacher relationship.

  3. Dismissing Education: Expressing disdain for school and stating that English is "stoopid" is disrespectful and unprofessional.

  4. Aggressive Tone: Phrases like "you messed up my grade" and "take care of this asap" convey a demanding attitude rather than a respectful request for clarification.

  5. Casual Closing: The sign-off "Take care of this asap. Please and thx. Have a good day! :)" lacks the necessary professionalism and formality.

Here's a revised version of the email in a more professional manner:

To: Ms. Lorenzo
From: Kevin Pepper
Subject: Inquiry Regarding Grade

Dear Ms. Lorenzo,

I hope this message finds you well. I am writing to inquire about my recent grade in English class. I noticed a discrepancy when I checked my records online, and I would appreciate your assistance in understanding the situation.

If there is an error, I would be grateful if you could correct it at your earliest convenience, as it is important for my overall academic standing.

Thank you for your attention to this matter. I look forward to your response.

Sincerely,
Kevin Pepper