Question

Please track the errors by editing this passage of writing. This is an exercise for my English homework. I have made a couple of changes or editing to the writing piece already, but I am not sure if there are more editing that needs to be made. Also, please evaluate the writing, grammar, style as well as content for this piece. Thanks!

**The brackets indicate the changes that I have made**.

Writing Piece:

People take out oil from the sands in AB so we can drive and leave taleings(tailing) ponds. This caused a lot of damage to the land and negative impacts to wildlife. Natives get sick from eating to (too) many fish from mercury and air pollution is another big problem. Oil spills get in(into) the water, and the soil and then the fish. Toxicity assessment of oil sands process-affected (process affected) water using fish cell lines. We should stop poluting (polluting) because it is bad for the environment.

Answer 1

"take out oil from" -- smoother English would be this: <i>take oil out of the sands...</i>

What does this mean? "...in AB so we can drive..."

What other awkward phrasing or incorrect uses of prepositions can you find?

Answer 2

I need help with editing these sentence structures shown below, which is used in this writing piece. For example, can we break it into two sentences. This way it would make or sense.

1). Natives get sick from eating to (too) many fish from mercury and air pollution is another big problem.

2). Oil spills get in(into) the water, and the soil and then the fish.

3). Toxicity assessment of oil sands process-affected (process affected) water using fish cell lines.

4). We should stop poluting (polluting) because it is bad for the environment.

Answer 3

- Yes, Take oil out of the sands is much more smoother.
- AB means Alberta.
- This phrase seems akward to me: Natives get sick from eating to (too) many fish from mercury and air pollution is another big problem.

Answer 4

You should divide the first sentence into two. You have one idea about the natives eating the fish and another about air pollution. For example, natives get sick from eating too many fish from mercury. Air pollution is also a big problem.

Answer 5

Thanks Anonymous!

I need help with paraphrasing this sentence: Toxicity assessment of oil sands process-affected (process affected) water using fish cell lines.

Answer 6

Anonymous is correct.

#2 -- ... get into the water, then the soil, and then the fish.
(You need to make a parallel series out of the original.)

#3 is just plain awful!! I don't even know what it means!

You have corrected #4.

Answer 7

Can you put the idea(s) in #3 into your own words?

Answer 8

I don't know what #3 means. Does it have something to do with toxicity assessment affecting the water?

Answer 9

Thankyou Writeacher :)

I don't know #4 either.
Would this work?: Toxicity assessment of oil sands use process affected water for fish cell lines.

Answer 10

What are fish cell lines??

#4 is fine, just the way you corrected it.

Answer 11

I am not sure either. I haven't written this piece. It was an exercise for my homework assignment.

Answer 12

Alright, thanks for your help!

Answer 13

Sorry I couldn't help more. That sentence doesn't make sense to me ... and without understanding it, it's hard to make it read well!!