Please Proofread for Me. If you see any errors please state them.

Question

Witnessed a Wrong Incident
People today, sometimes witness people during things wrong, but they refuse to tell. Many times, they do not tell because they do not want to hurt the person’s feelings, or lose friendship. However, the best thing to do is tell, so that they want, harm anyone else.
To begin with, I remember my ninth grade year in high school. I was in a class that had a lot of class clowns. They always wanted to do something that was very dangers to other, but to them it was funny. Some of the things, I can remember them during are as follow: Putting stink bombs under the teacher desk, pouring baby oil and soap on the floor, throwing eggs on the white board, pulling chairs from under peoples’, and writing foolish things on sticky notes, and placing them on the back of other classmates shirts. I can also remember sitting patiently in second period waiting for the bell to ring, so that we could go to our next class. While we sat there talking among ourselves, I heard one of the boy’s say, “Man something funny is going to happen next period”. I thought that it had to do with a student, but unfortunately, it had to do with the teacher.
Second, the bell rung and everyone exchanged class. As my friends and I walked to third period, we heard some more students talking about what suppose to go on. We went on in the class and sat do so that we could be prepared for class. As we sat there, we notice that one of the guy’s who is known as the class clown, approached the teacher desk. I notice that he had a bag with something in it. At first I thought that it was something that the teacher told him to put in her lunch box, but it was not. My friend Cordero yelled, “O’ my God he is putting ants in Mrs. Massey’s food that is so wrong”. When I looked, I could not believe it. I said, “Now it it’s a time for everything, but it is not funny when someone plays over something that a person have to eat.”
Third, even thou it was wrong, I felt that it was not our place to tell what the guy had done. When Mrs. Massey came in, she thought about her lunch box. I was hoping that when she opened her lunch box that she would not get bitten. She opened her lunch box and notice that her sandwich, apple, and juice had ants on it. I wanted to tell her so bad, but I did not because I knew that if I told her who did it; then he would probably do something evil to me. However, the truth finally came out, and the guy was suspended for a week and three days.
In conclusion, the lesson I learned from this incident is no to be scared to tell the truth, when you have witnessed something for yourself. Even if it do break up your friendship, or hurt someone feeling, you will feel better about yourself because you want have to carry in around in your mind. Also, if a person gets mad at you for telling the truth about them; then you know that they were never your true friend.
Homework #2
3. What reasons did the resident of Kew Garden give for not taking action?
Many times, people find all types of excuses to make when they have witnessed something going on. In this story, the residents had many reasons why they did not call the police, about the incident in their neighborhood. One neighbor said, “She didn’t want her husband to get involved.” A couple said, “They thought it was a lover’s quarrel.” Another couple said, “They were really scared.” The last neighbor said, “She she was tired and went to sleep.” Sometimes, even thou you think you should not get involved in someone else relationship it is best that you do, if you know that they could be harmed in some way. In this case, the neighbors should have called the police because they heard the woman yelling, and no one did.

Answer 1

You need to work on commas -- when to use them and when NOT to use them!
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/commas.htm

Spell check won't pick up when you use the incorrect word, so be sure to have someone else read your paper aloud TO YOU so that he/she and you will find this type of thing: "want" when you need "won't."

In fact, this draft is SO ROUGH that you need to do the standard editing/proofreading things (see below) before anyone here tackles it.
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Please go over your paper with the following in mind. Thanks to PsyDAG for the following:

In the future, if nobody is available to proofread your work, you can do this yourself. After writing your material, put it aside for a day — at least several hours. (This breaks mental sets you might have that keep you from noticing problems.) Then read it aloud as if you were reading someone else's work. (Reading aloud slows down your reading, so you are less likely to skip over problems.)

[You can also either read it aloud to someone else or have someone else read it aloud to you! (The latter works really well!)]

If your reading goes smoothly, that is fine. However, wherever you "stumble" in your reading, other persons are likely to have a problem in reading your material. Those "stumbles" indicate areas that need revising.

Once you have made your revisions, repeat the process above. Good papers often require many drafts.

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And here are a couple of really good websites that will help, too.

(Broken Link Removed)

http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/composition/proofing.htm

Answer 2

I agree with Writeacher's comments. This is too rough to edit. YOu need to revise, revise, revise.
But one thing puzzles me, the essay seems to not have a clear thread, but easily could have a clear moral. Work on that, making clear what you want the essay to say. Thoreau wrote once as a preface to his book "I do not propose to write an ode to dejection, but to brag as lustily as chanticleer in the morning, standing on his roost, if only to wake my neighbors up." Thoreau wrote lustly, and woke up the reader. You can do that, it takes revision, revision, and revision. Your work should stand like a polished silver vase on a bare wooden table, standing out from all around it.

Answer 3

One thing you MUST do to become a good writer is to read lots of really good works by excellent authors. Here's a superb list to start working through:

http://als.lib.wi.us/Collegebound.html

Reading good writings by excellent writers will help you in two ways: You'll become a much better reader, AND you'll be come a much better writer. Don't choose one or the other; they go hand-in-hand.