This is the main direction, right?
"Write an email to the human resources manager expressing your opinion about the break time policy."
I think your whole first paragraph needs to go. It's just repeating what Mr Jones already knows.
Your whole last paragraph is very wordy. "I would like to … " You'd like to but you will or won't? Just scrap that and start the sentence with "Thank you" — there's no need for so many extra words.
Now concentrate on your 2nd, 3rd, and 4th paragraphs and get rid of any extra words. Read the sentences in those paragraphs OUT LOUD, and make changes that will cut out the extras.
Let me know what your next draft looks like.
Please check this for me thank you.
Directions: Write your response to the prompt below. Your response should be in multiple paragraphs. At least 470 words. Keep in mind grammar and mechanics
Your company has always had a flexible break policy. Each employee is allowed to take a total of 90 minutes (or an hour and a half) of break time daily. Employees can decide how they use that time. Some examples of break time use are:
• Three 30-minute breaks
• One 60-minute (or one hour) lunch break and a separate 30-minute break
• One 60-minute (or one hour) lunch break and two 15-minute breaks
• One long 90-minute (or hour and a half) lunch break, with no other breaks during the day
The human resources manager has stated some concern in the flexibility of the break policy because sometimes, multiple employees take 90-minute lunch breaks at the same time, and there is not enough support for work production during that time. He has proposed changing the policy to require all employees to take a 60-minute lunch break and two 15-minute breaks. Before making the change official, however, he has asked for employees to provide their preferences on how break times should be used.
Write an email to the human resources manager expressing your opinion about the break time policy.
My response:
To: Mr. Roger Jones
Human Resources Manager
RE: Break time policy
Good morning Mr. Jones,
I am writing to you regarding the flexibility of the employee break policy. I know that we can take our 90- minute break time anyway that we choose to such as the following: Three 30-minute breaks, One 60-minute lunch break, and a separate 30-minute break, One 60-minute lunch break, and two 15-minute breaks. One long 90-minute lunch break, with no other breaks during the day. Allowing that much flexibility in our break policy has caused several problems; however, there are several reasons I feel that your proposal requiring all employees to take a 60-minute lunch break and two 15-minute breaks is a great idea.
When several employees leave for a 90- minute break at the same time, it decreases production. They're frustrated because they are working short while waiting for the other workers to come back from there long break. Furthermore, another problem with employees taking a 90-minute break is it only allows them one break per day, which in turn many of them lack the motivation to continue working because of exhaustion. For instance, Sarah P. and I were talking the other day, about how some of the employees act like they don’t care if they work at a slow pace because their energy level has dropped. In my opinion, it is not fair for the rest of us to have to pick up their slack. I have noticed that the slacking has caused a negative effect on job performance and morale has decreased. It feels as though I am being punished because it is giving me extra work to do.
I am personally get stressed out because if we do not meet the quotas set by headquarters this could result in our location closing. I am all for employees taking breaks however, not to the point where it’s putting people’s jobs in jeopardy. I feel that the current break policy lacks structure because there are no rules or guidelines to follow. It is not clear how many people will be available to work at any given time.
I would prefer a 60-minute lunch break and two 15- minute breaks. Each employee should have an assigned time in which they are to take their breaks. The reason being is first I feel that it would not interrupt work production because there would always be enough employees at any given time. In addition, I would like to have my day split up a little more. I believe having our breaks spread out through the day will help to refresh our minds and improve our mood. For example, it would give an employee several times though out the day to go outside to get some fresh air if they choose. Lastly, I feel that it will also allow the employees to get the appropriate rest throughout the day and help to avoid them from burning out.
No matter what there will always be someone not happy with the schedule they are on for break. Having a more structured schedule will help to maintain a better workflow. I think if we do not have a proper break plan, we cannot expect to do our job effectively and it will be hard to accomplish our goals.
I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for taking the time to read my opinion about the break time policy. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to contact me.
Best regards,
Luxxx xxxxxx
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