Really, it is obligated everywhere we go. <~~What does that mean??
- This means that whenever we go somewhere and see that others need help we are obligated to help them.
The phrasing “it is obligated” is both vague (what is “it”?) and includes nonstandard use of that verb. You could write this: “We are obligated to help others when we see the need,” but then I would ask you, “Who says we have to?”
taking his responsibility <~~ odd phrasing, non-standard
- correction: he is not responsible Can you rephrase that sentence so you use THIS wording, not your original wording?
Thus, an individual should be responsible regardless whether the circumstances require it or not. <~~ What???
- Everyone is responsible for the well-being of others. And again I ask you, “Who says?”
The man in the excerpt was not responsible. <~~Do you really mean that? Or do you mean "irresponsible"? There's a difference, you know.
- What is the difference? ”not responsible” implies he did not need to do anything at all; “irresponsible” means he had the responsibility, but failed to do what was right.
Even if the dog was injured <~~But the dog WAS injured ...
- TRUE!@!&@?!&&
it could have been difficult for the man to help <~~This needs to be explained.
- It would be difficult for the man to stand up and help because he conforms with the crowd, who is not helping and is being nonchalant. This is better than your original because it’s not vague. When you write vague statements without explaining them, you leave the reader thinking, “huh??” You need to revise that part of the essay to include THIS phrasing instead of the original vague statement … except that you need to rethink “with” and “nonchalant.” Those words are incorrectly used for this sentence.
unconcernly <~~nonstandard; not a real word in English
- Is unconcernedly a word? yes
This, however, greatly affected... This caused the man <~~ The vagueness and the repetition of wording reads awkwardly.
- By abandoning the dog, the man allows it to suffer. This caused him to feel guilty. Better, but what is “this” referring to? You have a bad habit of using pronouns that have no clear antecedents. Study this: http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/pronouns.htm
I claimed myself cruel <~~nonstandard English
- How? The verb is not used correctly with a reflexive pronoun and an adjective. How can you rephrase this and keep the meaning the same?
Everyone should be responsible for other individuals. <~~Sweeping generalization; in these papers you need to get rid of the "should" verbs.
- Using the verb "should" is general? My point is this: Who says we are all responsible for everyone else? Is that a law or something? If so, you need to specifically refer to that law. If not, you need to quit making those generalizations that are the sign of very superficial thinking.
- It is essential to develop teamwork among other individuals. Another vague generalization that needs to be eliminated or explained in detail. Also, the wording “among other individuals” means that others need to work as a team, but not you, the writer!! I doubt that’s what you meant.
Overall, maybe a 3.
The man felt guilty with the dog <~~wrong preposition; nonstandard English
- correction: ..... of the dog No … “the man felt guilty about the dog.
Your problems with verbs and prepositions are cause for concern. When college committees read papers with errors like these, they’ll assume you don’t know English very well, that you will probably need remedial courses before you can begin college-level work.
My best suggestion is that you go to your nearest community college and take their reading and writing placement tests to be sure. If you need remedial work, then take those classes at a community college where the costs are less. Don’t spend expensive four-year college time and money on remedial courses. You’d be cheating yourself that way.
Please check.
Really, it is obligated everywhere we go. <~~What does that mean??
- This means that whenever we go somewhere and see that others need help we are obligated to help them.
taking his responsibility <~~ odd phrasing, non-standard
- correction: he is not responsible
Thus, an individual should be responsible regardless whether the circumstances require it or not. <~~ What???
- Everyone is responsible for the well-being of others.
The man in the excerpt was not responsible. <~~Do you really mean that? Or do you mean "irresponsible"? There's a difference, you know.
- What is the difference?
Even if the dog was injured <~~But the dog WAS injured ...
- TRUE!@!&@?!&&
it could have been difficult for the man to help <~~This needs to be explained.
- It would be difficult for the man to stand up and help because he conforms with the crowd, who is not helping and is being nonchalant.
unconcernly <~~nonstandard; not a real word in English
- Is unconcernedly a word?
This, however, greatly affected... This caused the man <~~ The vagueness and the repetition of wording reads awkwardly.
- By abandoning the dog, the man allows it to suffer. This caused him to feel guilty.
I claimed myself cruel <~~nonstandard English
- How?
Everyone should be responsible for other individuals. <~~Sweeping generalization; in these papers you need to get rid of the "should" verbs.
- Using the verb "should" is general?
- It is essential to develop teamwork among other individuals.
Overall, maybe a 3.
The man felt guilty with the dog <~~wrong preposition; nonstandard English
- correction: ..... of the dog
1 answer
1 answer