Name: Imagery Assignment Read the student journal responses and decide which student used better imagery. Justify your answer by writing WHY you chose one student over the other. Student 1: The first day of middle school was a day | would never forget. Walking through the halls, | heard the banging of lockers slamming shut. The click of iPhone cameras was constant, as the helicopter moms wiped their tears and said goodbye to their babies. The smell of fresh paper and pencils hit me as | walked through the hall. | pulled a crumpled piece of paper out of the pocket of my freshly-pressed khakis and unfolded it. My schedule might as well have been written in another language. | couldn't understand it at all. My eyes glazed over until | just gave up. Luckily, Mr. Hill, my first hour teacher, explained everything once | got to science. Mr. Hill is pretty awesome; he has a reddish beard, hipster glasses, and a great sense of humor. | think I?m going to have really good teachers this year. Each one greeted me with a smile in their colorful classroom. The day flew by until my final class. On the edge of my seat, | watched as the clock slowly ticked from one second to the next. | drummed my fingers lightly on the desk, waiting for dismissal after a fun, but tiring, day. Finally, it was time to go. Mom was waiting in her Honda CRV with a huge smile on her face, her eyes sparkling with anticipation, as she asked about my first day. We stopped for ice cream on the way home to celebrate. As | licked the rich chocolate from my crispy waffie cone, | thought to myself, / think /?m going to like middle school. Student 2: August 3, the first day of middle school. Ugh, / don't want to get up, | thought to myself as | yawned and got out of bed. | gobbled up my Cocoa Puffs cereal and got into my mom's SUV. { arrived at school and didn?t know anyone, so | just awkwardly stared at my phone and pretended to text until class started. | almost fell asleep several times listening to teachers drone on and on about rules and procedures. Finally, it was time for lunch. My teacher made us walk down the hall silently, like we were still in Kindergarten. The pasta they were serving was mediocre, so | just kind of stirred it around, taking a bite every once in awhile. After lunch, it was more of the same procedure talk. | couldn't wait to get home when | heard the announcements. | hopped on bus 15, turned on my phone, and listened to music, tuning out the noise all the way to my house on 19th Street. Which journal response used better imagery? How did you make that decision?

Answer 1

I would choose Student 1 as having used better imagery in their journal response.

The decision is based on several key aspects of imagery in writing. Student 1 incorporates vivid sensory details that engage the reader more effectively. For example, phrases like "the banging of lockers slamming shut," "the click of iPhone cameras," and "the smell of fresh paper and pencils" create a strong sense of sound and smell, immersing the reader in the experience of starting middle school. These descriptions conjure up specific images and feelings, allowing the reader to visualize the scene and feel the emotions associated with it.

Additionally, Student 1 effectively describes their interactions with others and the environment, such as the "helicopter moms" saying goodbye and Mr. Hill’s humorous demeanor, which adds depth to their experience. The depiction of their excitement and apprehension, especially during the slow passage of time while waiting for dismissal, makes the reader empathize with their feelings.

In contrast, Student 2's response lacks the same level of rich detail and emotional engagement. The writing is more straightforward and focuses on the mundane aspects of the day without the same level of sensory input. Phrases like "mediocre pasta" and the mention of stirring around food do not elicit a vivid image or strong emotions. Overall, Student 1's use of descriptive language and sensory details creates a more engaging and memorable experience for the reader.