I emailed your post to Writeacher who is much more experienced with essays than I am. Here's her answer:
"Her thesis is there but not very strong. Would you give her this link and tell her to make it much stronger?
http://blog.eduify.com/index.php/2009/06/21/5-tips-on-how-to-write-a-strong-thesis-statement/
Also she keeps saying 'back then' or something equally vague. She needs to be much more specific. To what decade or era is she referring?
I'll check for her rewrite in the morning.
Ms. Sue I worked on my thesis and and my outline, can you please tell me what you think? I appreciate it so much!
I’d like to define the traditional family and compare it to a modern television show and argue that even though the traditional family holds family values and morals, a more modernized family can bring unity because there is more communication involved, more democracy and decision-making, and gender roles are also being switched in certain areas as well.
This is my OutlineL
I. Introduction: Traditional vs Modern
The modernized family today is no where close to what your traditional family back in the 40's use to be. Or at least that is how television portrays how families back then use to be. A family would commonly consist of two parents which is a mother and a father, and a child or two depending how many children the parents have. And they would all live together in harmony, compatible with each other, mother is a housewife staying at home taking care of the children while the husband goes out to work to support the family. But does this type of family household describe your typical family today in the modern world? A lot has changed since then and their really isn't many families that represent television shows such as "Leave it to Beaver" or "Lassie" anymore. And one would think this may not be such a good thing but the more recent version of what family values represent today may have more advantages than one may think. Even though the traditional family may hold morals values, a more modernized family may have some real advantages compared to the old fashion familiy, such as more democracy and freedom, better communication also due to technology, and gender roles being switched between parents.
Thesis: A modern family of today can work as well as if not better than a traditional family of yesterday because of better communication, more democracy, and sharing roles between parents.
II. Body
A. Communication
1. Sex and pregnancy was not to be talked about whether in private or public. Now it’s okay to talk about these things.
2. Families back then just did what was their role without complaining discussing their feelings. And now that we have advanced technology such as email, the internet, and cell phones, families can communicate with each other much better than before which can bring a family closer.
B. Democracy
1. The husband/father use to be the dominant one in the family. He was the one to make majority of the decisions and that was it.
2. Now wives/mothers get to have a say, and also the children gets to participate in decision-making and as well as making their own choices depending on the situation.
Gender Roles
1. Gender roles back then for husbands/fathers were to work and be served at home. It was not common for the male to do too much house work, only to go to work and make money.
2. The woman’s role is commonly known for doing all if not most of the house hold chores such as doing the laundry, cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the children. Some might have worked, however, the husband is usually the bread winner. Women are now going to school for a career and doing jobs that was not well known for a woman to traditionally do.
C. Conclusion
Can you tell me if my thesis/argument is okay and also my outline?
Thank you very very much!!!
2 answers
ok thank you Ms. Sue!! I will work on it.
5 answers