Mr. Pursley-

Question

You have critiqued multiple essays of mine- is there recurrent mistake that I make? What can I do to make it go from a 5 to 6? Thank you so much, I really appreciate it.

Answer 1

I cant answer that without seeing your outline and scratch paper.

In general, your organization is ok, a couple of them have weak conclusions, and a couple had weak supporting arguments. A couple were wordy. One in particular had readability problems, mainly long, complex sentences. Short sentences are much more effective.

I have evaluated college entrance and scholarship essays for several years. Most peer reviews say I am a slightly easy marker.

I have never known a student to get a 6 consistently. I don't see any specific recurrent mistakes in your essays.

Answer 2

For the essay we are only given 25 minutes, so my only planning is when i write what my examples will be. That's the only thing I write in the test booklet :
ex1: _____
ex2: _____
And that's it. And also, for my conclusions- I usually don't know how to wrap it up. One issue is that I don't know if I should say- "in conclusion", or "to wrap it up"- I'm not sure how to start it off. The second issue is, should I repeat my examples in the concluding paragraphs or just write something powerful that basically repeats my introduction but in a subtle manner? Thank you.

Answer 3

When I taught AP English, I taught students to use 25% of their time planning and 75% of their time writing that first draft and then editing/proofing it. If you're spending less than 25% of your time planning, then you're doing yourself a disservice.

Read and study this about conclusions:
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/composition/endings.htm

What other parts do you think you need help with?

Answer 4

I like that time breakdown, and recommend it. In 30 min, work for slightly more than 5 min (7-8 min) planning.

Answer 5

So, if I spend about 5-6 minutes planning what else would I write except for a couple of bullet points about my two main examples? Would it just be this:
ex1: _____
-something
-something
ex2: _____
-something
-something
Is that it?
Also, I think I need help as Mr. Pursley indicated earlier, in sentence structure. I have never been an amazing English or writing student- so any sort of website or even basic tips on how to condense my writing would really help. Thank you both so much.