Ming-na walked up to the door scared out of her wits, she didn't open it because she smelled smoke.

How can the sentence be revised to eliminate cliche and include sensory language without changing the meaning of the sentence?

a. Ming-na approached the door with her heart jackhammering in her chest, she paused because the acrid scent of smoke assaulted her nostrils
b. Ming-na walked up to the door scared out of her wits: she didn't open it because the acrid scent of smoke assaulted her nostrils
c. Scared, Ming-na approached the door; she didn't open it because smoke tickled her nostrils
d. Ming moved slowly to the door scared out of her wits; she paused because the acrid scent of smoke assaulted her nostrils

1 answer

Option A is the best choice for revising the sentence to eliminate clichés and include sensory language. It effectively conveys Ming-na's fear and incorporates vivid sensory details, such as "heart jackhammering" and "acrid scent of smoke."

So, the revision would be:

A. Ming-na approached the door with her heart jackhammering in her chest; she paused because the acrid scent of smoke assaulted her nostrils.