Sure! Here are some short and funny gags based on the topics you provided:
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Theft: Why did the thief take a bath before he stole anything? He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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Arson: What do you call a fire that tells jokes? A pun-derful blaze!
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Drinking Chemicals: Why did the chemist break up with his girlfriend? She had too many issues, and he couldn't handle the reactions!
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Theft: I tried stealing a calendar once, but I got caught. I guess I just couldn't get away with my plans!
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Arson: I asked the arsonist how he’s so good at lighting fires. He said he just has a flair for the dramatic!
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Drinking Chemicals: Why did the lab rat bring a straw to the chemical spill? He heard it was a good way to get a “taste” of science!
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Theft: Why don’t thieves ever go hungry? Because they always have a “take-out” plan!
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Arson: I told my friend I wanted to start a fire. He said, “You’ll be in hot water if you do!”
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Drinking Chemicals: What did the scientist say after drinking a whole bottle of bleach? “Looks like I’ve got some serious ‘cleaning up’ to do!”
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Theft: Why did the scarecrow get arrested? He was outstanding in his field… but his corn was missing!