Length: about 1 A4 page.

Question

Someone please proofread and tell me how I can re-structure certain sentences. Like some of them are lengthy because I want to make a point or arguement.

Part a) Outline the purpose of the campaign you are assessing.

b) Assess two pro's and one con of the health campaign - should link to speed not the actual technques used in the ad (lighting, sound effects.)

c)justify in a conclusion whether or not the state government should cut down the amount of money used on these ads.

I have been encourgaed to use these words:
effective/advantageous
ineffective/disadvantageous
awareness
empowers
morbidity
mortality
incidence
prevalence

“Of all speeding drivers involved in fatal crashes between 2002 and 2006, 34 per cent were aged 17-24 years of age although they account for only 14 per cent of all licence holders.” RTA Website.
INTRODUCTION
“No one thinks big of you – Pinkie Initiative” tends to display both effective and ineffective strategies to enforce the anti-speeding message and to increase the awareness of safe road side behaviour. Hence, there are some key disadvantages and advantages that need to be addressed in order to stop the prevalence of speeding, and the increase of morbidity and mortality rates.
NEGATIVE/INEFFECTIVE/DISADVANTAGE
The road safety initiative, 'No one thinks big of you – 'Pinkie', projects only young, male drivers as people who speed, excluding female, elderly people and other people who do not fit this category. As a consequence, these people may perceive that the theme portrayed – speeding is unacceptable – does not apply to them. For example, an elderly man in his fifties may be watching this . Seeing that there are young teenage actors involved he may feel as though that the may not be for him, hence avoiding the campaign all together and continuing to speed. Although the message represented in the initiative does claim that speeding is intolerable, it doesn't necessary signify that drivers of all age and both genders should not speed. For that reason, speeding may become prevalent throughout all age groups besides 17-24.
POSITIVES/EFFECTIVES/ADVANTAGES
On the other hand the directly attacks and challenges the attitudes and behaviours of young, male drivers have when it comes to speeding. Since the RTA developed an that suits young people's attitudes, thinking and behaviours, it has allowed drivers to better familiarise themselves with the situation and perhaps realise the impression they are making on the society. For example, “74 per cent of the general population and 75 per cent of young males revealed strong recognition of the anti-speeding message, aimed at making speeding socially unacceptable and at undermining the perceived pay off for speeding.” and “60 per cent of the general population and 59 per cent of young males recognised the meaning behind the message that speeding is not cool and does not impress” (Statistics from RTA Website). From these statistics, it shows that the has been effective in terms of persuading and transferring the key message across to young drivers. This campaign empowers the community (making them feel more confident - mental health) to not be able to tolerate such acts and enables young, male drivers to take more precautions or safety measures when driving (decreases the amount of potential physical harm done to ane).
Despite having a humorous effect on the road safety issue of speeding, it allows people to better recognise it as a socially unacceptable act. The creative way to display the message – speeding is uncool – allows viewers, which can also consist of young drivers, to watch it more frequently and sync the message in their brains. For example, “Research revealed that young drivers fail to connect with ‘shock and horror’ imagery” RTA website. Thus, young drivers can take higher safety measures when driving on the road and reduce the risk of speeding incidences done to anyone – passengers, pedestrians, bystanders, witnesses, other drivers etc.
After evaluating all the points that have been discussed above, it is clear and obvious that there should not be a cut on the budget provided for road safety health promotion initiatives. These initiatives allow individuals to empower the knowledge of safe practices on the road and apply it in their lives. The statistics given by the RTA and the real-life examples provide an in-depth prediction of how one would react after seeing this road safety health promotion initiative. For example, of drivers view this advertisement, they will get a better awareness of the consequences of speeding and perhaps realise the negative impact it has, hence following and promoting the same anti-speeding message. Therefore having a positive, social (promoting their awareness and knowledge), physical (less risk of harm) and emotional impact (because you know you are doing something right).

Answer 1

You are totally wrong on your premise: Long sentences make things important. Short sentences get attention. Short sentences are remembered.

Your sentences are confusing, bewildering, and much too long. Those who can get to the point quickly are effective.

Answer 2

It has been long recognized among avarian species those who arrive early in the morning on cool grassy slopes seem to have much more efficient feeding production, build body fat faster, and in general, are more fit, at least to modern research.

That, over this

The early bird gets the worm.

Short sentences are remembered.

Answer 3

Bobpursley is right. You need to clear up your ideas and make your paper less pedantic.

In addition ...

Please go over your paper with the following in mind. Thanks to PsyDAG for the following:

In the future, if nobody is available to proofread your work, you can do this yourself. After writing your material, put it aside for a day — at least several hours. (This breaks mental sets you might have that keep you from noticing problems.) Then read it aloud as if you were reading someone else's work. (Reading aloud slows down your reading, so you are less likely to skip over problems.)

[You can also either read it aloud to someone else or have someone else read it aloud to you! (The latter works really well!)]

If your reading goes smoothly, that is fine. However, wherever you "stumble" in your reading, other people are likely to have a problem in reading your material. Those "stumbles" indicate areas that need revising.

Once you have made your revisions, repeat the process above. Good papers often require many drafts.

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And here are three really good websites that will help, too.

http://blog.eduify.com/index.php/2009/10/28/editing-secrets-everyone-should-know/

http://teacher.sheboyganfalls.k12.wi.us/staff/dehogue/FSSH/proof.htm

http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/composition/proofing.htm

Answer 4

u should use the seel format