Kincaid also associates the motif of death with Annie's mother throughout the chapter to foreshadow the eventual rupture in their dynamic. Annie's mother is physically present at two of the three deaths that occur in the chapter: A young girl named Nalda dies "in [Annie's] mother's arms," and Annie's mother catches their neighbor Miss Charlotte when she drops dead in mid-conversation. Both of Annie's parents are especially involved in funeral preparations for Nalda, building a coffin inlaid with tiny flowers for her (Annie's father) or bathing and dressing the little girl's corpse (Annie's mother). As a result, Annie cannot "bear to have [her] mother caress [her] or touch [her] food or help [her] with [her] bath." She is especially disturbed by "the sight of [her] mother's hands lying still in her lap." Each of these moments leads to the deception in the final scene, in which Annie lies to her mother about getting fish from Mr. Earl. Although Annie's mother ultimately forgives her by "kissing [her] goodnight later," nevertheless the frequent association of death as a motif with Annie's mother foreshadows the eventual rupture in their dynamic.

Question

fix this The topic sentence continues to expand on the thesis, now extending the argument to how the motif of death manifests in Annie's relationship to her mother. The structure of the paragraph is logical and flows nicely. However, there is no analysis accompanying the evidence. The evidence itself is fruitful and can certainly justify the stance taken in the topic sentence, but the writer makes no effort to provide explanation beyond minimal context and connective phrasing between each piece of evidence. Thus, the paragraph ends up reading like a plot summary. The one critical leap that the writer takes ("each of these moments leads to the deception in the final scene") is not supported by sufficient rationale to elucidate that connection for the reader. Overall, the paragraph does not provide evidence that speaks to how the motif of death "foreshadows the eventual rupture in their dynamic."

Answer 1

The topic sentence effectively expands on the thesis by linking the motif of death to Annie's relationship with her mother, setting up a clear argument. The structure of the paragraph is logical and cohesive; however, it lacks in-depth analysis to accompany the evidence presented. While the examples provided are significant and could effectively support the argument made in the topic sentence, the writer does not sufficiently explain the implications of these instances. Instead, the paragraph reads more like a plot summary rather than a critical analysis.

The writer makes a noteworthy claim when suggesting that "each of these moments leads to the deception in the final scene," but this connection remains unsubstantiated, leaving readers without a clear understanding of how these instances inform the eventual rupture in Annie's relationship with her mother. For the paragraph to effectively illustrate how the motif of death foreshadows this rupture, it would benefit from a more thorough exploration of the emotional and psychological impact of these events on Annie.

For instance, explaining how Nalda's death in her mother's arms may provoke feelings of insecurity in Annie about her own mother's presence and touch would enhance the analysis. Furthermore, an exploration of how witnessing her mother care for the deceased impacts Annie's perception of intimacy and vulnerability could deepen the reader's understanding of their strained dynamic. Overall, adding these layers of analysis would transform the paragraph from a mere summary into a compelling argument that clearly articulates how the motif of death foreshadows the eventual rupture between Annie and her mother.