This ekphrastic poem effectively captures a vivid and sensory-rich scene, immersing the reader in the painted landscape with its detailed descriptions and contemplative tone. The use of color imagery is particularly strong, allowing readers to visualize the serene setting while also invoking a sense of nostalgia and introspection. However, to enhance the poem's emotional impact, consider tightening the structure to create a more cohesive narrative flow. Introducing a clearer thematic progression, perhaps by linking the imagery more directly to the relationship between the speaker and the other person, could deepen the exploration of isolation and connection. Additionally, the ending could benefit from a more defined resolution or reflection on the storm metaphor to reinforce the poem's emotional undertone. Overall, the poem's attention to detail and evocative language are its strongest aspects, while refining its focus could elevate it further.
It has to be seen from really close.
The uneven edges of the painting seem like the frame of a window
in a small wooden cabin, with a view of the sea.
The colors of the sea are desaturated, but still clear and transparent.
The seaweed—is it seaweed? Lying on the sand are
blurry, disguised as careless strokes, but each mark is planned.
The artist’s signature is waiting to be discovered.
But none of that matters now; your sight drifts
From the dark space to
Somewhere we used to know.
The temperature is mild, with the shadow
of a fading, scorching sun,
now chilly from the whistling wind.
The air smells like
saltwater, fresh seaweed,
broken fragments of unnamed shells,
and flax sails.
Is the boat resting, or starting to be forgotten?
The strings are still taut, the wind pennant
flies, but the rest are waiting
for the sails to end its conversation with the boulder.
You will hear the sea.
The waves scrape across the sand.
The shallow water is teal.
Eventually... the noise will fade into the depths.
The sky glows pastel orange and cadet blue,
without much contrast.
No one knows exactly where the sun went.
You have not seen this scene, except in a painting;
I may have never been near a sea at all.
We did not care if this fishing boat existed
before we were told so by this painting.
But as you stared at the sand, the boat, the sky
And I tried to comprehend the entire sea
This bit of the world belonged to us
Separate, independent, isolated.
This painting tells us that we are alone.
This painting is peaceful, indifferent.
We might look up at the sky and say,
There is a storm coming
Write a short paragraph about what to change about this ekphrastic poem, and what was good
1 answer