Is this thesis statement too long for a four page essay? Also, are there any major grammatical errors?

Question

Although a cursory glance at Odysseus on his long journey home may lead to a conclusion that he is motivated by an overwhelming desire to see his wife and family again, a more thorough look at his motives seems to disprove this theory, and suggest rather that it is a matter of pride, and wanting glory and honor.

Answer 1

Oh, my, yes, it's too long!

How can you condense it?

Answer 2

Use the ideas here to help yourself:

http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/thesistatement.html