No. It's FAR too long, and it's more than one sentence. Statement = singular = one sentence.
Your thesis statement must include factual information (which you already have) plus your position/opinion/stance. Without your position on the topic, it isn't a true thesis statement. So think of this sentence as the angle you want to take on the topic and what you intend to prove by the end of your paper. (If your statement is simply factual, then there's nothing to prove!)
http://blog.eduify.com/index.php/2009/06/21/5-tips-on-how-to-write-a-strong-thesis-statement/
Read carefully and follow ALL directions.
http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/thesistatement.html
This is one of the very best places I've seen online to help students write good thesis statements. It shows you sentences that aren't thesis statements and how to turn each one into real thesis statements.
is this a strong thesis statement?
Legalizing marijuana has many benefits such as, reducing overcrowding in prisons, helping create jobs for low to mid income individuals, reduce the budget for ”the war on drugs” and can treat different medical problems. Legalizing this drug can also increase revenue within the United States and other countries that consider this drug to be an uncontrolled substance.
4 answers
would this make a good introduction?
What is your absolutely basic idea there? What do you want to prove by means of your paper?
yes it is for the start
1 answer