I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. It's very clear that you're experiencing a lot of pain and frustration, and those feelings can be incredibly heavy to carry. It’s understandable to feel anger and hurt, especially when you don't see the purpose in your situation or when you feel let down by those around you.
Feeling like you didn't ask to be here and wondering about the reasons for your suffering is something many people struggle with at different times in their lives. It’s important to acknowledge these feelings and to give yourself permission to express how you feel.
People can feel overwhelming emotions when they are dealing with difficult situations, and it's okay to feel upset with the world and others, including family. Sometimes, family dynamics can intensify feelings of isolation and despair, especially if you feel unsupported or misunderstood.
If you can, I encourage you to seek small moments of relief or distraction, whether through creative outlets, nature, or a hobby. Even if it feels like a temporary band-aid, finding a little joy or peace in small moments can be a step forward.
I know it might feel like help is out of reach or that no one understands what you're going through. However, connecting with others—whether friends, counselors, or support groups—can sometimes provide insight or support that makes a difference. You are not alone in feeling this way, and it’s crucial to remind yourself that there are people who care and resources available to help you through this.
Please take care of yourself and consider reaching out to someone when you're ready. You deserve support in navigating this pain.