"irrelevant" — I'm not so sure! And I wouldn't make such all-or-nothing statements in a paper on such a fuzzy subject, either. Statements that declare "always" and "never" are rarely correct.
"parents, environment and peer group" = singular or plural? Does the verb match?
"has made me personally who I am" — You should remove "personally" — it's overkill!!
"Through the experiences it has built up" — what is "it"? Better to clarify than to leave a reader thinking, "What??"
The rest is all very fuzzy and general. What "hardships at a young age"?
In addition you need to separate all this into logical paragraphs. To have all this jammed into one paragraph is almost unreadable — that is, un-follow-able.
Post your next draft, after you fix everything above. I'll wait.
I was asked to answer this question :
Some might argue that identity is fixed by a person’s genetic makeup. Others believe that identity is shaped by a person’s parents, environment, or peer group. Still others believe that it is up to each individual to decide who to become. What makes you who you are?
Can you look over my response for writing errors, I'm not the best writer thank you
With the world changing so constantly there are endless factors that make genetic makeup irrelevant when it comes to an individual deciding who to become. A person’s parents, environment and peer group does have an impact on the development of oneself. What has made me personally who I am today as a person is the struggles and hardships I've endured at a young age. Through the experiences it has built up strong characteristics in the way I act and the way I process and respond to things. My hardships have made me independent, hard working, and appreciative. At a young age I realized the only person I could rely on was myself, which built up my independent aspect. As for the hardworking part of myself I believe it comes from my personal view, that in fifty years I want to be able to look back and realize that no matter what I was able to accomplish great things within my lifetime and made my life worthwhile. I will never let my genetics play a role in who I become because I want to be the best version of myself that I can possibly be and no genetics can change that. Sometimes finding your identity isn’t so simple, to be honest I think no matter how old you are, you are still finding more about yourself and widening your identity through your life experiences.
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