i need someones opinion on my essay. here is my draft

Question

Throughout “Romeo and Juliet” Romeo and Paris are often compared. They have differences as well as similarities. The most important difference is the way and the reason of their love for Juliet. Although Juliet’s suitors Paris and Romeo are very similar on the outside, their thoughts and feelings are very different.
Romeo Montague is a young man of about sixteen. He is well respected by Verona since he is the son and heir of Montague and Lady Montague. When he found out about the Capulet’s family ball he and his cousin Benvolio decided to go. During the ball Romeo meets Juliet Capulet and falls in love with her at first sight. Despite the fact that Juliet is a Capulet and him a Montague, Romeo doesn’t care what she is all he knows is that he loves her, and that’s all that counts. He would do anything to be with her, even if it meant he had to take his own life. Even though their love is not accepted Friar Laurence is willing to marry these two young lovers. Romeo is considered well- educated, quick-witted, loyal, and unafraid of danger which is what makes him unique
Paris is a kinsman of the Prince, and the suitor of Juliet most preferred by Capulet. His love for Juliet isn’t as strong as Romeo’s. Paris doesn’t really care about Juliet’s feelings, never really gets to know Juliet. He just desires her for his wife, whereas Romeo truly loves her. At first Friar Laurence tries to raise objections about marrying Paris and Juliet. After being accepted by Juliet, He regards her more as property than as an individual. He is an audacious person just because he is a high class kinsman.
These two suitors are very divergent, they share some resemblance. They are both upper classmen young suitors in love at a young age. Both Romeo and Paris love Juliet in their own special way and wish to marry Juliet no matter what. Romeo and Paris are willing to marry Juliet without paying any mind to what anyone else has to say.
Everyone thinks and loves differently. These young men are examples of opposing suitors in love with the same girl. They might both be similar on the outside but their ways of thinking and their ways of loving are contradictory. “Romeo and Juliet” show these two characters and they are an example of two completely different characters being compares.

Answer 1

You need a conclusion.

You have a few ill-chosen words (him instead of he, or example), so go through with a critical eye to find those. I don't think you have reviewed this, as several sentences are choppy. The second to last sentence has the pronoun He as the first word, but you mentioned Friar Lawrence as the last proper noun. Hmmm. Change the He to Paris.
Having a conclusion is most needed, and the second most needed thing is a critical review by you. You can do better than this.

Answer 2

Here's a post made by a student tonight.

business - Narasaq, Monday, June 1, 2009 at 8:51pm

By paper, do you mean essay? If so, then I would say when I revise a paper, I read it four (minimum) times through. The first time, I read it for style, and word choice. I see if I can make any points more clear, add more detail, or use better vocabulary. The second time, I check for spelling and grammar. The third time I check again for spelling and grammar. And then the fourth time I read it over again with no goal in mind, to make sure that it flows well and that I'm pleased with the final product.