#1 - I still don't see a thesis statement. If you believe you've written one, be sure to let me know which ONE SENTENCE it is.
#2 - I would not accept a paper written with so many instances of "you" in it.
http://www.albany.edu/eas/104/topten.htm
See #7
#3 - Overall the content and sequence of ideas seems all right.
#4 - You need to read it aloud to someone, or ask someone to read it aloud to you. In this way you'll catch things when the reader "stumbles" and then you can fix them/smooth it all out.
I"m writing a essay for class and this is the rough draft can you please read and let me know what kind of changes I need to make to it.
Have you given any thought to where you will live when you are "on your own" - out in the world earning a living? You will have many decisions to make as you look for a place to call home. In this persuasive essay, your basic economic decision making skills will be used to weigh the pros and cons of renting versus buying a house. It's time to find out what is right for YOU!
To most people owning your own home is the American dream. But for some it is an impossible task to tackle, but for others it’s easy. Then there are people like me that prefer to rent over becoming a home owner. After looking at all the pros and cons when it comes to renting versus buying, some people may change their mind. Many people would believe that renting your home is unquestionably cost-effective to owning your home, but that decision should be determined by an individual's circumstances. A person has to think a lot before buying a house. A budget needs to be planned. Loans have to be approved and what type of home you are looking for. Sometimes the amount that you can afford will make a suitable home to have, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that the home will suitable to live in, this home may need a lot of work to be able to move into right away. And owning your home is a life long commitment. And with the economy the way it is now, it can make buying a home a little bit tricky.
Renting has many advantages, renting an apartment involves no responsibility for repairs, maintenance, and other aspects of home ownership that can be both costly and time-consuming. Rental complexes may also provide many of the recreational facilities you would like, such as a swimming pool and tennis court. Apartments and other rental units often provide laundry facilities, which would save you the initial expense of purchasing laundry equipment. Another advantage of renting is that it provides more mobility or flexibility. It is easier to move quickly when you are renting, because leases for rentals are easier to get out of than selling a home. Selling a home when you decide to move is usually much longer process-taking months and sometimes years. The length of time depends on a number of factors including the available supply and demand for homes in an area and the relative demand for the type of house that you put on the market. Another major advantage of renting is that it doesn't require a large outlay of cash. Most rentals require a security deposit usually the same amount as one month’s rent, which is much less than a down payment that is needed when buying a home. Monthly cash costs when renting may also be reduced, as sometimes the utilities are included in your rent payment.
A major disadvantage of renting is that no matter how much you pay into the property you will never gain ownership. The landlord of the property is responsible for repairs and general upkeep; if they do not do this well and promptly, you might be stuck with unsafe living conditions, due to a water leak. Landlords can raise the rent, making your costs higher. They can also put restrictions on the property, such as not allowing pets or smoking. Renting also provides no tax or equity benefits for you. Although you are helping pay the owner's property taxes through your rent, you cannot claim any deduction for these taxes on your tax return. The owner is also gaining equity in their property. Equity is increased value in any property you own. But, as a renter, you are not building any equity.
There are many advantages when it comes to home ownership, and this has to do with your feelings – the pride of ownership; the freedom to decorate, landscape and maintain the place to your tastes; and this also gives you the sense of security and independence. Another big advantage of home ownership might be financial. There are several financial advantages including equity; tax deduction for mortgage, interest and property tax deductions.
The disadvantages to owning your home are that if you have any major repairs, you are responsible for those repairs. And if you have been saving back money, you might have to dip into that to make those repairs. And I know that a lot of people are out to save money not throw it away, also, if you default on your mortgage this will have a negative effect on your credit report, making it harder in the future to obtain a loan.
As you can see, there are a lot of things to look over before considering on renting versus buying a home. You need to:
• Compare the "up front" costs of each:
o Buying: down payment, loan costs
o Renting: deposit, first month rent
• Compare monthly costs for each:
o Buying: mortgage payment (which includes taxes and insurance); utilities; maintenance
o Renting: monthly rent; utilities (some may be included in rent)
• Calculate what you can afford for housing, based on your income and other debts
And, of course, before making that final decision, you need to consider the housing requirements - including what type of space you may need and what type of lifestyle you want. Before you continue, make sure to go over all the pros and cons of renting versus home ownership
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