The polar bears up at the North Pole don't understand why their habitat seems to be shrinking, but we do. As temperatures rise gradually and steadily all around the world, we are faced with the harsh reality that humans are contributing to their own destruction. I firmly stand to (DELETE "stand to" FOR CONCISENESS.) believe that global warming is the most serious problem facing the world today.
The polar bears, residents of the Arctic, aren't the only ones who face the effects of global warming. All of the ecological systems in the Arctic and Antarctic regions will face sever (SP) disruptions and even deleterious effects. AS (CAP) habitats shrink, many animals will lose their prey and only source of good (WHAT?) to numerous disruptions. The list of endangered species will grow, and eventually many species will become extinct all together. (DELETE "all together" FOR CONCISENESS.)
Though humans will not directly feel the effect of species going extinct, they will feel the impact of ("THAT" RATHER THAN "OF".) the extreme weather global warming causes. We have already witnessed signs of this extreme weather (COMMA, SEMICOLON OR COLON) the 2005 Atlantic hurricane season was the most active on record. The season also bore witness to the most horrifying hurricane to hit the US (EITHER SPELL OUT OR USE "USA".), Hurricane Katrina. Devastating the city of New Orleans, Katrina resulted in a high human causality rate, and in economic losses that still mark the city today. Relocating the population of such a large city was nothing less than a Herculean task. The direct emotional, physical and mental impact that the population endured (COMMA) after losing everything they owned to the extreme forces of nature (COMMA) can be accepted as the most profound impact of all. Global warming will unleash many other Hurricane Katrinas and cause just as much devastation. As global warming continues, events such as Katrina only mark the beginning.
The geological, sociological and ecological impact of global warming will only grow in the immediate future, but many movements have been started to try and reverse global warming's effects. Reductions in carbon emissions, conversion to alternate energy and more public awareness campaigns are all coming together to try and and (DELETE "try and and" FOR CONCISENESS.)save the future from the wrath of global warming.
LOOKS GOOD. HOWEVER, THE EXTINCTION OF SPECIES WILL CAUSE A RIPPLE EFFECT THAT WILL EVENTUALLY DIRECTLY EFFECT HUMANS. ALREADY POLAR BEARS ARE INVADING HUMAN SETTLEMENTS IN THEIR SEARCH FOR FOOD.
I hope this helps. Thanks for asking.
I did exactly what I was told to do, I started from scratch. Any better?
Topic: At a recent conference on global issues, several panels debated possible solutions to problems facing the world today. There is no consensus on the solutions or even on the nature of the problems. Some considered nuclear proliferation to be the most serious issue. Others concentrated on global warming, whereas some put forth would poverty as the most serious issue.
Assignment: What in your opinion is the most serious problem facing the world today. Plan and write an assay that develops you ideas logically. Support your opinion with specific evidence taken from your personal experience, your observations of others or
your reading.
The polar bears up at the North Pole don't understand why their habitat seems to be shrinking, but we do. As temperatures rise gradually and steadily all around the world, we are faced with the harsh reality that humans are contributing to their own destruction. I firmly stand to believe that global warming is the most serious problem facing the world today.
The polar bears, residents of the Arctic, aren't the only ones who face the effects of global warming. All of the ecological systems in the Arctic and Antarctic regions will face sever disruptions and even deleterious effects. AS habitats shrink, many animals will lose their prey and only source of good to numerous disruptions. The list of endangered species will grow, and eventually many species will become extinct all together.
Though humans will not directly feel the effect of species going extinct, they will feel the impact of the extreme weather global warming causes. We have already witnessed signs of this extreme weather the 2005 Atlantic hurricane season was the most active on record. The season also bore witness to the most horrifying hurricane to hit the US, Hurricane Katrina. Devastating the city of New Orleans, Katrina resulted in a high human causality rate, and in economic losses that still mark the city today. Relocating the population of such a large city was nothing less than a Herculean task. The direct emotional, physical and mental impact that the population endured after losing everything they owned to the extreme forces of nature can be accepted as the most profound impact of all. Global warming will unleash many other Hurricane Katrinas and cause just as much devastation. As global warming continues, events such as Katrina only mark the beginning.
The geological, sociological and ecological impact of global warming will only grow in the immediate future, but many movements have been started to try and reverse global warming's effects. Reductions in carbon emissions, conversion to alternate energy and more public awareness campaigns are all coming together to try and and save the future from the wrath of global warming.
3 answers
Thank you!
But can you please give me a numerical grade too?
But can you please give me a numerical grade too?
The conclusion is weaker than I would have expected. DAG pointed out some errors, but for a first draft, most of those are admissible. Some of the sentences were awkward...frankly too long and wordy. Examples:
The two sentences in the conclusion. One wants the conclusion to be hard hitting, firm. Long wordy sentences make it waffle.
Devastating the city of New Orleans, Katrina resulted in a high human causality rate, and in economic losses that still mark the city today.
and you can find others yourself.
Have you ever read Tom Paine's essays? You might want to pick a couple and anlayze them. Plain talk, charged, to the point, with a fiery conclusion. Read a couple.
Here, I would give it a 4, the weak concusion being the most damaging in my mind. Other readers would give this a three, probably because of the awkward sentences in addition to the weak conclusion.
Read Tom Paine. Make your sentences shorter. Make your conclusion the conclusion and finale of the piece.
The two sentences in the conclusion. One wants the conclusion to be hard hitting, firm. Long wordy sentences make it waffle.
Devastating the city of New Orleans, Katrina resulted in a high human causality rate, and in economic losses that still mark the city today.
and you can find others yourself.
Have you ever read Tom Paine's essays? You might want to pick a couple and anlayze them. Plain talk, charged, to the point, with a fiery conclusion. Read a couple.
Here, I would give it a 4, the weak concusion being the most damaging in my mind. Other readers would give this a three, probably because of the awkward sentences in addition to the weak conclusion.
Read Tom Paine. Make your sentences shorter. Make your conclusion the conclusion and finale of the piece.
0 answers