First of all, consider verb tense. Make sure that, throughout your paper, you are consistent in verb tenses -- keep them in the present tense or in the past. Don't mix them up.
The word "so" in the first sentence should be deleted. (There is no "that..." clause to complete the thought.)
Other than that, it seems fine.
I am writing an essay about the swimming pool in the Great Gatsby, but my second paragraph does not flow well, can someone give me some suggestions:
Here is my thesis:The importance of the swimming pool, which is not described at any length, is its psychological effect on Gatsby. The pool shows the wastefulness that can be a result of too much money in a generation that moves too fast.
and my second paragraph:
Gatsby has worked so hard to attain his mansion, his cars, his wealth, and his power, but he still doesn’t use them efficiently. He said to Nick, “Well, suppose we take a plunge in the swimming pool. I haven’t made use of it all summer,” (86) but he really did not want to go anywhere near it. A swimming pool in the 20s is something to have, something to admire, something to stage events around, but only average citizens would actually use it.
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