I am applying or a Med Camp at Penn State and I have to write a thesis. This is what I have so far.
"I have always been interested in the medical field. I remember when my dad used to take me hunting, we would gut the animal and I would always be asking "What's that?" "What about that?" After a while I started learning the anatomy of the animals and instead of asking what something was, I said what it was.
I am applying for MedCamp 2017 because I feel my skills and interests in the medical field would thrive at this camp. I am planning to go to Penn State after high school to get my doctorate, and this camp would allow me to get a closer look at the medical field and Penn State itself. I am great at teamwork, communication, problem solving, and logical thinking and I feel I would be a valuable asset to the team.
Penn State is about improving the lives of people all around the world, and I would be honored to be a part of that."
Is there anyway I could make this better to increase my chances of getting in?