Much better, but I would explain why you want to do that (ie, make a better world or similar). The word activist has a bitter connonation to some folks,so I would drop it and use some other more neutral phrase .....an agent of change...or....leader...or....positive influence...or think on that. Activist is not always a nice word to use.
Otherwise, much better, you are on the right track.
How is this?
I trust that this program will help me elaborate my ideas pertaining to the future of Washington. I wish to study Law and Political Science to eventually become some kind of activist, whether it is lobbying, or advocating in some small part-time organization that pertains to any of the topics discussed before: environmental, worldly, and philanthropic deeds.
4 answers
Rather than using the word "trust" in the first sentence, use the word "believe." It'll work better.
Bobpursley is right about replacing the word "activist."
Bobpursley is right about replacing the word "activist."
Thanks!
Can you help me out again?
...encouraged me to spread awareness about current issues especially to Washington high schools; students need to be informed about the issues in their own state. Presently, many of them are blatantly oblivious to current events, for example, when I asked one student who he wanted to be President, he replied “Obama, because McCain is too old.” Obviously, this student has no clue about the political platforms of both candidates; many other students are similar.
I need help ending a paragraphh
im on a word limit- so i need help condensing also (: thanks!!
Can you help me out again?
...encouraged me to spread awareness about current issues especially to Washington high schools; students need to be informed about the issues in their own state. Presently, many of them are blatantly oblivious to current events, for example, when I asked one student who he wanted to be President, he replied “Obama, because McCain is too old.” Obviously, this student has no clue about the political platforms of both candidates; many other students are similar.
I need help ending a paragraphh
im on a word limit- so i need help condensing also (: thanks!!
Well, one word you can get rid of is "blatantly." It's unneeded here.
"has no clue" is slang -- rephrase so that it's more formal.
"for example" starts a new sentence; otherwise, it's a run-on.
"has no clue" is slang -- rephrase so that it's more formal.
"for example" starts a new sentence; otherwise, it's a run-on.
1 answer