how can you make this better (the last sentence)

Question

If you dared to step into a bar for a drink, you could feel the weight of wary gazes boring into you, as if the patrons were judging your every move. But when detective Gordon goes in the bar the stares stop like a man who you should fear has walked in.

Answer 1

If you dared to step into a bar for a drink, you could feel the weight of wary gazes boring into you, as if the patrons were judging your every move. But when Detective Gordon enters, the stares instantly dissolve, replaced by a palpable silence—as though a figure of authority, someone to be feared and respected, has just walked in.