Hi, I really need help concluding my essay on Othello. My thesis is:

The worldly Emilia and Bianca create a strong contrast against the virtuous and innocent Desdemona, reinforcing the tragedy of her death and Othello's crime.

What I have for my conclusion is:

In conclusion, Emilia and Bianca’s characters make Desdemona’s character stand out boldly. Her virtuous and innocent traits against Bianca and Emilia’s worldly views reinforce the tragedy of Desdemona’s death and Othello's crime against her. Throughout this paper, the evidence shown has proved Desdemona’s love and forgiveness toward Othello. When Othello murdered Desdemona, you can see at the end how she was still trying to prove herself and it was augmented by her innocence.

I know this is a lot to ask, but I really need help with this!
Thank you so much in advance!! :)

3 answers

1. Need: Use the right prepositions:
~ ... create a strong contrast with the virtuous and innocent Desdemona ...

~ Use something other than "toward" in the third sentence of the conclusion.

2. Suggestion: Use the term "foil" in the second sentence of the conclusion.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foil_(literature)

3. Need: Figure out how to rephrase so you don't use "In conclusion" and "Throughout this paper the evidence shown..."

4. Need: Make sure the verbs are in present tense when you're writing a paper about literature.
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/composition/literature.htm
(first paragraph below the formatting graphic)

5. Need: Get rid of all instances of "you" in all its forms.

Thank you this really helped!!

You're very welcome!