Hi
i posted a part of my essay this morning and your comments really helped but i guess i forgot to you the guidelines of the essay.
the colleges give three questions to answers and i'm suposed to anwer them all in only 1000 words all together, not each.
so even if i wanted extend and add more detail to my paragraph that means i would have delete some stuff of my other answers.
hope this helps.
You're right -- you'll need to delete some parts. Choose the element(s) that will really make you stand out as an admissions candidate (what separates you from others? why should they choose you rather than someone else?), and elaborate on them.
Being very general and covering all bases is quite blah. You need to make them sit up and take notice of you!!
=)