Hello. I am doing an essay on the impact of the industrial revolution. I have done the intoduction and two paragraphs. Please can you give me some feedback.

Question

thanks

What was the impact of the Industrial Revolution

The Industrial Revolution was a period from the eighteenth to the nineteenth century where major changes in agriculture, manufacturing, mining and transport had a massive effect on the social, economic and cultural conditions starting in the United Kingdom, then spreading throughout Europe, North America, and eventually the world. The Industrial Revolution marked a major turning point to Human history; nearly every aspect of daily life was eventually influenced in some way.

Before the Industrial Revolution Britain was a different place to what it is today. It was very hard to keep in touch with people in other parts of the country. News was spread by travellers or through messengers goods. It was hard to move around, there were no cars, buses or aeroplanes. People had to rely upon themselves and their communities to provide the things that they needed. Food was produced locally, agriculture could provide for but a few towns. Clothing was also made locally.

The population was growing which meant that the feudal system was long gone. People were relying on each other and their master. Before the Industrial Revolution Politics was based upon land ownership. There weren’t as many problems with people and their social life. The working class had a few rights and children worked in pretty good conditions. They were housed well.

Answer 1

Do you have a thesis yet? Have you done your brainstorming (and maybe research) yet? Have you written an outline?

Follow the writing process, whether you're writing for science, history, English, or any other subject:

Prewriting: brainstorm, research, plan, outline, thesis statement

Writing: write first draft by starting with section II of your outline; write introduction after the body of the paper is written; write the conclusion last.

Polishing: revise, concentrating first on the body of the paper, then the intro, then the concl (revision = making sure ideas are logical and sequential and support your thesis); proofread (spelling, grammar, usage, etc.)

http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/catalogue.html#org
from http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/catalogue.html

http://www.angelfire.com/wi/writingprocess/

http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/
Check in the Essay & Research Paper Level.

Answer 2

PS -- I don't see a true thesis statement here. Aren't you supposed to have one?

http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/thesistatement.html

This is one of the very best places I've seen online to help students write good thesis statements. It shows you sentences that aren't thesis statements and how to turn each one into real thesis statements.

Just remember: your thesis statement must include factual information plus your position/opinion/stance. Without your position on the topic, it isn't a true thesis statement. So think of this sentence as the angle you want to take on the topic and what you intend to prove by the end of your paper. (If your statement is simply factual, then there's nothing to prove!)

Answer 3

Is this a thesis statement. Please comment and can you advise me whether the grammar,spelling etc. Is good?
In this essay I am going to show you the impact of the Industrial revolution. By the end of the essay you will understand that life was different before the Revolution and after. You will know that not all the changes took place immediately, the changed occurred at different speeds. There are also areas that did not change.