do people have to be highly competitve in ordr to succeed?

Question

Today, people keep improving ability to be competitive in order to survive in the sever competition of the society. But does success really require us to be competitive? I don¡¯t think so. People who are not competitive but eager to contribute themselves to society can succeed too. We don¡¯t have to be competitive in order to succeed.
Mother Teresa, the world-renowned successful woman, has been admired for her enthusiasm to help the poor people. There is no doubt that she is not competitive as a woman, but she succeeds and exemplifies to the world that women are not weak. She don¡¯t possess rich acknowledge and great strength. What she has is the passion to rescue the destitute, the starved and the disabled. She once even managed to save children trapped in the front line hospital. It is her love for human beings rather than her ability that makes her successful.
My friend, John,, is an extremely kind person who are always to give hands to the helpless people. He is not good at studying or expert in other activities. To everybody¡¯s surprise, he is admitted by one of the best universities last year because of his spirit of devoting himself to helping other people. There were many students who were more competitive and got higher scores than him, but only he succeeded in getting the admittance. His good personality distinguished him from other competitors and enabled him to succeed.
The examples above clearly demonstrate that people who are not competitive can be successful. Indeed, our ability plays an important role in our lives, but whether we can reach our goals depends on whether we are willing to dedicate ourselves to society.

Answer 1

Here are a couple of websites to help you:
http://blog.eprep.com/2006/11/09/how-your-sat-essay-is-scored/
and
http://blog.eprep.com/2006/12/04/sat-essay-rubric/

I would give your paper a 3. The organization is good, but there are issues with verbs (Mother Teresa is not alive any more! And "she don't" is grammatically incorrect. Etc.) Your conclusion is weak.

Answer 2

I agree 3. I agree with the mechanics issues.