damon is writing an essay evaluating andrew carnigie's contributions to american society. damon has done research on the topic and arrived on his conclusion. he drafts the following thesis. "Andrew carnegies's contributions were mostly positive for america.

Question

what might damon's teacher say about his thesis statement? what could make his thesis statement better?

Answer 1

Damon's teacher might say that while his thesis statement presents a clear position on Andrew Carnegie's contributions, it lacks specificity and depth. Here are some potential comments from the teacher:

1. Lack of Specificity: The statement "mostly positive" is vague. It would be beneficial for Damon to specify which contributions he is referring to (e.g., philanthropy, industrial innovation, economic impact).

2. Need for Complexity: The thesis could acknowledge the complexity of Carnegie's contributions, including potential negative aspects or criticisms alongside the positive focus to present a more nuanced argument.

3. Clarity and Focus: The thesis could be clearer in articulating the main points that will be discussed in the essay. It may help to briefly outline the areas of impact that Damon intends to explore.

To improve the thesis statement, Damon could revise it to something like:

"Andrew Carnegie's contributions to American society, particularly in the realms of industrial innovation, philanthropy, and the promotion of libraries and education, significantly advanced the nation's economy and cultural development, despite some criticisms regarding labor practices."

This revision offers more detail, outlines core areas of discussion, and acknowledges the complexity of Carnegie's legacy.