1. I'd go with your second revised sentence.
2. Looks good, but you needs to use "groups" instead of "group."
3. and 4. ~ Try these things:
~ draw lines through any unneeded or repetitive words or phrases.
~ locate any passive verbs and figure out how to make them active instead.
Let me know what you come up with, and I'll check them for you.
Concision
Rewrite the sentences using concision techniques (replacing phrases with words, combining sentences, etc.) discussed in class to simply these wordy sentences.
1. Critics cannot avoid employing complex and abstract technical terms if they are to successfully analyze literary texts and discuss them in a meaningful way.
---> Critics can't avoid abstract terms to successfully analyze literary text.
OR
---> Critics must use technical terms to analyze texts meaningfully.
2. In spite of the fact that the educational environment is a very significant face to each and every one of our children, some groups do not support reasonable and fair tax assessments that are required for providing an educational experience at a high level of quality.
---> Some group don't support fair tax assessment required for quality education despite its importance to our children's development.
3. Your explanation concerning your comatose state during the required reporting period was not accepted by our claim evaluation system as a valid reason for failing to apply in a timely fashion.
4. Critical-care nursing is stressful due to the fact that the patients have life-threatening illnesses. Critical-care nurses must have steady nerves to care for patients who are critically ill and very sick. The nurses must also not lack possession of medical and interpersonal skills. It is considered by most health-care professionals that these nurses are an essential factor in the improvement of these patients’ health. They are deserving of the profession’s support.
The last 2 confused me so I need your help with those. Also can you check the first two.
Thank you!
1 answer
1 answer