Can you check my paragraph for grammar errors, strong topic/concluding sentence,and any other recommended feed back?
Paragraph two was more effective than paragraph one because it contained sentence variety and rhythm. Paragraph one consisted of short sentences that often began with the subject. The author’s ideas were shuffled throughout the paragraph without presenting any sort of flow. The structure of the paragraph was illogical and I got confused trying to follow the author’s train of thought. The author was repetitious with his or her words and should have combined some sentences to convey a clear point. Whereas, in paragraph two, the point was clear in the first sentence. The sentence variety enhanced the flow of ideas and held my interest throughout the paragraph. The author used various lengths of sentences within the body of the paragraph. The sentences in paragraph two, structured as they were, promoted the words to flow in the author’s writing. Being that paragraph two displayed good variety, the author was able to achieve rhythm. There for, paragraph two was more effectively written than paragraph one.
5 answers
"it" refers to what? paragraph one? or paragraph two? The beginning of the paragraph is confusing because you refer to what was "more effective," but then you go on to describe terribly ineffective traits.
You need to clarify what you're referring to.
1 answer