can someone help me to proofread my argument paragraph and to see whether this is a good argument paragraph or not? if not, please tell me what i need to do for the improvement. thanks

Question

The article, ¡§Why Cell Phone Use While Driving Should Be Banned¡¨ by Jennifer Claerr, stresses the issue of whether cell phone is endangering people¡¦s safety on the road. It provides some examples to support the reasons why I do agree cell phone should be banned. The first reason for my agreement is due to the fact that there are some statistics show that cell phones have been the cause for some accidents. According to Claerr, ¡§A recent study found that 80% of accidents and 65% of near-accidents involved some form of inattention, and that the most common form of inattention was cell phone use.¡¨ Since using cell phone while driving has been a contributing factor of many car accidents, some states do have laws against talking on the cell while driving. According to the lists of states that have banned cell phone use, provided by Claerr, some states, such as New Jersey has banned cell phone use from July 2004, and the fine is up to US$250. Connecticut, on the other hand, has banned with effect from Oct. 2005, and teens are also forbidden from using hands free kits while moving. The second reason is that talking on a phone while driving is hazardous, for it is difficult for people to concentrate on driving and talking at the same time. I believe that having to dial phone numbers and answering calls are visually and mentally distracting. It, therefore, would reduce our ability to control the vehicle. Claerr, for example, have experienced being a victim of driver distraction. ¡§I regularly check, just after an incident, to see if the person is on a cell phone, and sure enough, in almost every case, they are¡¨ said Claerr. Driving while distracted is dangerous. It not only jeopardizes our lives, but also risks the life of the pedestrians. People should abstain from using cell when they are driving.

Answer 1

The article, "Why Cell Phone Use While Driving Should Be Banned," by Jennifer Claerr, stresses the issue of whether cell phone use is endangering people's safety on the road. It provides some examples to support the reasons why I do agree cell phone should be banned.<~~delete this sentence The first reason for my agreement is due to the fact that<~~delete the first part of this sentence; start the sentence here~~>there are some statistics show that cell phones have been the cause for some accidents. According to Claerr, a "recent study found that 80% of accidents and 65% of near-accidents involved some form of inattention, and that the most common form of inattention was cell phone use." Since using a cell phone while driving has been a contributing factor in many car accidents, some states do<~~delete "do" have laws against talking on the cell while driving. According to the lists of states that have banned cell phone use, provided by Claerr, some states, such as New Jersey has banned cell phone use since July 2004, and the fine is up to US$250. Connecticut, on the other hand, has banned with effect<~~what does "with effect" mean? either explain it or delete it sinceOct. 2005, and teens are also forbidden from using hands free<~~add a hyphen between "hands" and "free" kits while moving. The second reason is that talking on a phone while driving is hazardous, for it is difficult for people to concentrate on driving and talk at the same time. I believe that having to dial phone numbers and answer calls are visually and mentally distracting. It,<~~what is "it"? therefore, would reduce our ability to control the vehicle. Claerr, for example, has experienced being a victim of driver distraction. "I regularly check, just after an incident, to see if the person is on a cell phone, and sure enough, in almost every case, they are," said Claerr. Driving while distracted is dangerous. It not only jeopardizes our lives, but also risks the lives of the<~~delete "the" pedestrians. People should refrain from using cell phones when they are driving.

Please repost if you have questions.

Answer 2

since this is an agrument pargraph, my teacher told me that "Remember, also, that this is your stance on this issue, so state your opinion in the topic sentence"

so i stated my opinion within the first two sentences. ==>It provides some examples to support the reasons why "I do agree cell phone should be banned."

but you told me to delete this sentence.Is there a better way that i can state my opinion in the topic sentence?

Answer 3

Hello. I am the author of this article. I did not provide my permission for this article to be copied onto this website. This "homework help" dissection is offensive and is a violation of my copyright. Remove this post immediately.

Jennifer Claerr

Answer 4

Just as a clarification, I am the author ONLY of the segments which are in quotes, not this entire blog. This blog is confusing, and makes it look as if I am the author of the poorly written segments. I reiterate, I require that all publishers obtain my permission prior to republishing ANY portion of my writing. Thank you.

Answer 5

i need help with finding information about all the states, counties, and cities ... do you have any advice for me?