Can someone edit this? Please be forewarned that its a first draft so I am aware that it is not developed yet. Any feedback would help a lot.

Question

Clearly, Jason Russell's Kony 2012 campaign proves how YouTube has altered our understanding of creativity from the change that abrogates something-- original into one that allows for progression. Within this context, Benjamin would argue that providing mere copies of original footage showing African children handling artillery and being kidnapped abrogates the authentic aura of the original scenes of such horrors.--- Nevertheless, this abrogation-- of the authentic aura through mass dispersing copies of the original scenes is what allowed for YouTube to assist Russell in creating a mass global initiative that progressed America politically and socially. Through gaining close to 100 million views and raising $10.3 million in the 2010-2011 fiscal year, Russell has progressed his initiative in increasing public Kony awareness, helping halt the VRA's efforts, and "creating a less complicated world." His influence also progressed Congress' decision to aid the African Union which in turn progressed US's international relations with Africa. The only substantial speaking role in the video aside from Russell is purposefully allotted to the graffiti artist, as he exemplifies the notion that humans do not have to be in a high position of power or extensively amazing beings in order to progress movements such as Kony 2012, as they merely need the proper tools and self-initiative to do so. This can clearly be related to the notion of creativity and therefore mechanical reproduction, as YouTube serves as the proper tool that helps induce progression through the self-initiative of its users.

Answer 1

I don't edit first drafts of anything!!

I can tell you right now, though, that it's far too much for one lone paragraph.

Here are some editing ideas for you to follow. Repost when this is more polished.

http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/composition/editing.htm

Answer 2

I don't proofread any first drafts but my own.

http://writing.wisc.edu/Handbook/Proofreading.html