Below is one of my body paragraphs in my thesis paper and it would be really appreciated if I could get any further suggestions towards making it better.
In the essay, “The step not Taken” by Paul D’Angelo fear is the reason the main character was being reluctant to take action or getting involved. The essay talks about an incident that occurred between two strangers in an elevator, where one of the strangers being a man who just experienced a meltdown. Paul, himself, being the other stranger in the scenario had decided to do nothing to help the man who was crying. This decision of choosing to do nothing towards aiding the stranger in a time of distress is not an unusual reaction and behavior expressed by many individuals in an environment where fear is so prominent. Choices are made in fear of consequences that may reside in the actions of one’s doing, therefore leading to people having the idea that doing nothing is appropriate as Paul D’Angelo stated, “... I stepped out. I stood in the hallway, a bundle of mixed emotions, wondering what to do. A combination of guilt and uncertainty washed over me. Should I go up to the 15th floor and make sure he's okay? Should I search him out from office to office? Should I risk the embarrassment it might cause him?... I didn’t know what to do. So I did nothing.” D’Angelo shows his thought process and the fear that resides in his mind when thinking about the consequences that may be in store for his actions. Thus opting to avoid them, for the sake of saving the embarrassment or discomfort that comes along with it.
I feel that in the beginning, I spent too much time on introducing the supporting essay and what it is about? Do you agree? Also was that a good way to end off a body paragraph in an essay? If there are any major grammar issue please tell me? Thank you.