Assigment: write a business letter according to the background.

Question

Background:Assume that you’ve worked for the last five years as an
administrative assistant for the Human Resources Department
of Broadworth General Hospital. The Director of Human
Resources, Miriam Hopkins, has charged you with organizing
a two-hour training seminar to be attended by the hospital’s
20 office supervisors. The seminar should cover sexual
harassment and unlawful discrimination in the workplace.
For the last 20 years, the hospital has contracted all training
through the nationally acclaimed Wydade Consulting
Services. Jeremy Dittmer, employee relations specialist, is
manager of the local branch of Wydade. He requires a threemonth
advance notice regarding any training Broadworth
needs so he can supply an appropriate trainer and any materials
that may be required. This is the first time you’ve dealt
directly with Mr. Dittmer.You must also make all necessary arrangements for the seminar, including time, date,
a room at the hospital for training, any resources the trainer needs, any materials those
who attend might need, and light refreshments for a 15-minute break.
Process:1. Create the necessary details for this scenario—for example, your title, the mailing
addresses for the hospital and consulting firm, the dates, the kinds of training
materials used, and so on.
2. Using either full block or modified block, draft a letter to Mr. Dittmer to set up the
seminar. Your letter must have at least two paragraphs and at least eight complete
sentences. Include the following items in your letter:
a. Thanks for the company’s reliable support
b. An explanation of the training need and any special topics to cover
c. A request for a trainer to teach the seminar
d. A request for a list of resources the trainer will need

Can you please look at my letter and give some feedback

BROADWORTH GENERAL HOSPITAL
9217 -115th St NW
Broadworth, BC
V9T 1C8

September 21, 2013

Jeremy Dittmer
Employee Relations Specialist
Wydade Consulting Services
1224 Burnard St
Vancouver, BC
V1H 2T1

RE: Trainer request for hospital seminar

Dear Mr. Dittmer:
We would like to take this opportunity to thank Wydade Consulting Services for their reliable support in training the staff of Broadworth General Hospital for the last twenty years. Your company’s successful seminars are an asset to everyone at Broadworth General Hospital. We would like to request one of your trainers to come in for January 7, 2014, to present a seminar addressing sexual harassment and unlawful discrimination in the workplace for twenty of our office supervisors.
The topics I would need to be covered for this seminar are ways to prevent, cope and report harassment and discrimination. The seminar is to be two hours long with a 15-minute break where we will provide refreshments. It will be held in conference room # 301. We will need you to send us a list of resources that the trainer and our office supervisors will need in order to make this seminar a success.
If you have any further questions or concerns please do not hesitate to contact me at
[phone] ext 3199

Sincerely,

Diana Hart

Diana Hart
Administrative Assistant
Human Resources Department
Broadworth General Hospital

DH

Answer 1

Delete "for" and insert "on" just before the date in the third sentence.

"I would need" is very wishy-washy. Rephrase this sentence so it's more direct.

A "break" is not a place, but a time. What word should be in place of "where"?

How can you rephrase the next-to-last sentence so that "will need" does not occur twice.

What punctuation goes at the end of the last sentence?