Your essay powerfully captures the essence of the Pullman Strike and the motivations behind your participation. Here are some suggestions and observations to enhance clarity, coherence, and overall impact:
Structure & Clarity
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Introduction: While your introduction communicates your feelings and experience, you might want to more clearly outline the significance of the Pullman Strike right at the beginning. This will set the context for your letter.
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Transitions: Improve the connectivity between paragraphs. For instance, you could use transitional phrases or sentences at the end of a paragraph to segue into the next topic seamlessly.
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Conclusion: Your conclusion wraps up your thoughts but could benefit from a stronger closing statement that reinforces the urgency of the labor movement and leaves a lasting impression.
Content Suggestions
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Personal Anecdotes: Consider adding more personal stories or specific incidents that illustrate your emotional journey or the plight of your coworkers. This will add a human touch and create more empathy from the reader.
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Historical Context: If space allows, briefly mentioning the broader national context (such as the economic conditions of the time or recent events impacting labor movements) could provide a richer backdrop for your personal narrative.
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Language & Tone: The essay utilizes a formal tone, which is appropriate, but you might want to vary the sentence structure occasionally for better flow. Shorter sentences can create a sense of urgency, while longer ones can provide depth.
Grammar & Mechanics
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"the Pullman Company’s significant salary cuts…” - This could be slightly rephrased to "the significant salary cuts implemented by the Pullman Company…”
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"being a member of the American Railway Union…” - This could be reworded for conciseness, for instance, "As a member of the American Railway Union, I witnessed…”
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“the Pullman Palace Car Company of Illinois” - Consider rephrasing to "the Pullman Palace Car Company," as the location may not be necessary unless it adds context.
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"We battled for better working conditions and compensation as well as respect for our inherent dignity.” - Consider breaking this into two sentences for clarity and impact.
Final Thoughts
Overall, your letter is compelling and insightful, effectively conveying the struggle of workers during the Pullman Strike. With some refinement in structure, clarity, and engagement with personal experiences, it can become even more persuasive. Keep the passion in your writing—it resonates strongly!