This is good -- but -- please reread your last sentence.
Do you really mean that you're free to LEAVE the American dream?
You still haven't written about HOW your family came to the U.S. in your own words. I suggest you write three or four sentences about the experience of coming here in a small boat or raft.
Also -- your instructions asked you to name one or two places in the U.S. where Cuban-Americans now live.
After we settled to the United States, my dad got a job in a factory in North Miami and my mom cleaned homes for a living. We lived in Little Havana in a one bedroom apartment; at that time that was the best my parents could afford. Life was not easy for us because the rest of our family was still in Cuba. I started school, and I remembered that the American kids used to make fun of me. They used to call me foreigner and made fun of my Spanish accent. At the beginning, I felt very frustrated, but I got used to it. I remembered Ms. Castellano, my ESOL teacher. She had helped my family a lot. She took my parents to a center in Miami where they started legalization paper for us. I felt so afraid the first year of school; Ms. Castellano always said to me, hang in there, I will stay after school to help you as much as I can. I will never forget this teacher. As for me, Maria X, I am currently a well known doctor in the Amecan Cuban community in Miami. We risked a lot to get here, but at least we are free to leave the American Dream.
2 answers
After we settled to the United States, my dad got a job in a factory in North Miami and my mom cleaned homes for a living. We lived in Little Havana in a one bedroom apartment; at that time (COMMA) that was the best my parents could afford. Life was not easy for us because the rest of our family was ("WERE" IF "REST" IS PLURAL.) still in Cuba.
USE NEW PARAGRAPH TO INDICATE NEW IDEA, PLACE, TIME OR PERSON.
I started school, and I remembered that the American kids used to make fun of me. They used to call me foreigner and made fun of my Spanish accent. At the beginning, I felt very frustrated, but I got used to it.
I remembered Ms. Castellano, my ESOL (DONT USE ACRONYM WITHOUT AN EXPLANATION. I AM FAMILIAR WITH "ESL" MEANING "ENGLISH AS A SECOND LANGUAGE," BUT I DON'T KNOW THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THE "O.") teacher. She had helped my family a lot. She took my parents to a center in Miami where they started legalization paper for us. I felt so afraid the first year of school; Ms. Castellano always said to me, (QUOTE AND CAPITAL)hang in there, I will stay after school to help you as much as I can. (UNQUOTE SO THE I IN THE FOLLOWING SENTENCE IS MORE CLEARLY SEEN AS A DIFFERENT PERSON.) I will never forget this teacher.
As for me, Maria X, I am currently a well known doctor in the Amecan Cuban community in Miami. We risked a lot to get here, but at least we are free to leave the American Dream.
To be more specific, you might want to say "physician" rather than "doctor." I am also "doctor," but I am a psychologist.
I admire the determination of you and your family. I am happy for you — and the community you serve — that you have done so well. ¡Qué Bueno!
I hope this helps. Thanks for asking.
USE NEW PARAGRAPH TO INDICATE NEW IDEA, PLACE, TIME OR PERSON.
I started school, and I remembered that the American kids used to make fun of me. They used to call me foreigner and made fun of my Spanish accent. At the beginning, I felt very frustrated, but I got used to it.
I remembered Ms. Castellano, my ESOL (DONT USE ACRONYM WITHOUT AN EXPLANATION. I AM FAMILIAR WITH "ESL" MEANING "ENGLISH AS A SECOND LANGUAGE," BUT I DON'T KNOW THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THE "O.") teacher. She had helped my family a lot. She took my parents to a center in Miami where they started legalization paper for us. I felt so afraid the first year of school; Ms. Castellano always said to me, (QUOTE AND CAPITAL)hang in there, I will stay after school to help you as much as I can. (UNQUOTE SO THE I IN THE FOLLOWING SENTENCE IS MORE CLEARLY SEEN AS A DIFFERENT PERSON.) I will never forget this teacher.
As for me, Maria X, I am currently a well known doctor in the Amecan Cuban community in Miami. We risked a lot to get here, but at least we are free to leave the American Dream.
To be more specific, you might want to say "physician" rather than "doctor." I am also "doctor," but I am a psychologist.
I admire the determination of you and your family. I am happy for you — and the community you serve — that you have done so well. ¡Qué Bueno!
I hope this helps. Thanks for asking.