A person drafts a report about their observations of an office. Before submitting the report, they revise it. Draft: After I talked to a bunch of staff members, I realized there were big problems in this office. Several people were rude during a meeting, and it made the other people feel sad and unhappy at work. The office manager needs to talk to everybody and teach them to get along. Revision: After interviewing many staff members, it became apparent that the office suffers from a poor work culture. Several employees do not act respectfully toward their coworkers, and it is creating an unpleasant work environment. Office management should organize a training session about appropriate workplace interactions. Write 3–5 sentences explaining the difference in tone between the draft and the revision. Include at least two examples of word choice differences that create the change in tone.

Answer 1

The tone of the revised report is significantly more formal and professional compared to the draft. In the draft, the use of phrases like "I talked to a bunch of staff members" and "big problems" creates a casual and somewhat subjective tone. In contrast, the revision employs phrases such as "interviewing many staff members" and "poor work culture," which convey a more objective and analytical perspective. Additionally, the choice of "creating an unpleasant work environment" in the revision replaces the emotionally charged language of "made the other people feel sad and unhappy at work," further enhancing the professionalism and seriousness of the report. Overall, the revision's tone fosters a sense of constructive criticism rather than personal judgment.