Question

To be worryless, could mean life itself. Many people struggle through everyday life - Children, Bills, School, but most importantly money. The world has evolved around money, and i wish that people could be worry free, and didn't have to worry about money, and just live life to the fullest. I wish that we didn't have to struggle and could always get what we wanted. I would love to just walk outisde, and look at the beuty of nature with having regrets. Life is a gift from God, and he expects us to live it to the fullest, and with an instense and overpowering joy. He wants to see us exceedingly glad in our success, and having a peacefull future ahead of us. We will never know what tomorrow brings, anything is "possible", and we build our own futures.


Im doing an essay on if i were granted a wish, what would that wish be? This is my introduction paragraph. Is it good?

Answer 1

To be <b>without worries</b> could mean life itself.<b><~~notice - no comma in that sentence</b> Many people struggle through everyday life - Children, Bills, School,<b><~~no capital letters needed in those three words</b> but most importantly money. The world <b>revolves</b> around money, and i<b><~~??</b> wish that people could be worry free, and didn't have to worry about money, and just live life to the fullest.<b><~~That sentence is cumbersome - too many instances of the word "worry" how can you rephrase and be more concise?</b> I wish that we didn't have to struggle and could always get what we wanted. I would love to just walk outisde,<b><~~delete comma</b> and look at the beuty<b><~~spelling?</b> of nature with having regrets. Life is a gift from God, and he<b><~~capital H is usual when referring to God</b> expects us to live it to the fullest, and with an instense and overpowering joy. He wants to see us exceedingly glad in our success,<b><~~delete commma</b> and having a peacefull<b><~~spelling?</b> future ahead of us. We will never know what tomorrow brings, anything is "possible",<b><~~delete the quotation marks</b> and we build our own futures.

<b>Have you written or at least planned your essay yet? If not, let this paragraph sit for a while - finish at least the first draft of your paper before worrying about the introduction or conclusion.

Also - what is your thesis statement? I think I know which sentence it is in that paragraph above, but I'm not sure. If I'm not sure, your teacher won't be either!

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