Hi. I wrote a reflective piece from an observational placement in clinic and I was wondering could anyone have a read through it and tell me where the punctuation may be wrong or if some parts just don't sound right. Thanks

Question

During my first year of studying Podiatry, I accomplished an observational placement with one of my colleagues in a Health Centre in Ballinasloe. The clinic provides its services for people with diabetes and the cases presented raged from the routine care to the management of ulcers and wounds after amputations. Most of the patients were pleased to receive their treatment. However one of them, Mr Raftery (pseudonym), proved to be inconsistent with social manners and was very disrespectful, especially towards my person. I was very surprised and, indeed, shocked by his tactlessness and podiatrist’s indifference on the matter. Since I have never witnessed a similar situation before I did not know how to act and hence remained unresponsive to his comments. I felt intimidated to reprimand Mr Raftery, because I felt that the podiatrist in place was more experienced than me as a first year podiatry student and she knew how to proceed. This situation was very hard for me to comprehend. What I really regret is not mentioning the incident afterwards and asking the podiatrist how I should behave if the situation arose again. Mehallow (no date) explains that the abusive behaviour should not be tolerated and despite the cause healthcare workers need the courage and the skill to manage difficult situations. In future I will aim to be confident enough to refuse toleration of insulting remarks and perhaps write up an incident report if the situation repeats.

Answer 1

There are capitals in here that are not needed.

There is wording in a few places that sounds odd and/or is wordy. Examples -
"proved to be inconsistent with social manners and was very disrespectful" -- just say he was rude and disrespectful.

"especially towards my person" -- just say especially to me

"I will aim to be confident enough to refuse toleration of insulting remarks..." -- how can you say this more directly?

Commas are needed after introductory phrases and clauses; where should there be a comma here?
"Since I have never witnessed a similar situation before I did not know..."

Answer 2

You should find help in both of these sites.

http://www.ucalgary.ca/UofC/eduweb/grammar/index.htm

http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/index2.htm

Answer 3

Which capitals do you believe I should remove?

Would this be better:

'Since I have never witnessed a similar situation before, I did not know...'

Is the use of commas in other sentences correct?

Answer 4

Remove capitals here, except for "I" of course:

... year of studying Podiatry, I accomplished an observational placement with one of my colleagues in a Health Centre ...

Answer 5

Putting the comma after the word "before" is correct.

Where should a comma go here?
In future I will aim to be confident...