Asked by Manny to ANYONE

I posted my answers to questions that were asked of me. Can someone read over my responses and make any corrections that you see fit? ... Thank you!

A. I am currently working at Mohegan Sun as a Wardrobe Attendant.
A. I am looking for law enforcement and/or administration type positions in the criminal justice field (e.g., police officer, detective, FBI agent)
A. I am not looking for becoming a parole officer, correctional officer, and security officer in the criminal justice field or other type positions outside the criminal justice field.
A. I am looking for an entry level to mid level experience in the criminal justice field. I would like to believe that with my various qualifications I am eligible for supervisory positions; however, I do not have sufficient work related experience to show that I can handle what I am looking for.
A. I have looked in the state of Connecticut (e.g., Norwich) and in other states, but have not made a final decision as far as what state in particular. For the time being, I would like to see if there are positions in CT that I am interested in before looking in another state.
A. I am willing to commute as far as 30 minutes from where I reside once I purchase a car of my own. Therefore, Norwich will be my primary option as far as job openings at this point.
A. I am looking for a salary that is greater than what I earn at Mohegan Sun ($ 09.73 per hour) and consistent with my training, education, and other qualifications I have. Perhaps, in the $ 20.00 + mark.
A. I have applied for the Regional Entry Examination for Police Officer in the state of CT and have passed. I am currently applying for several police departments. I did not qualify for Police Officer in Groton, CT because I did not pass the oral examination. I was unable to attend the oral examination for New London, CT because I was on vacation and now have to wait until their next Police Officer selection process date. I had an oral examination for Willimantic, CT last week and am waiting for an acceptance letter if I am qualified.
A. I have had interviews for Police Officer positions in Groton, CT (which I did not pass) and Willimantic, CT (which I am waiting to see if I passed).

Answers

Answered by Writeacher
A. I am currently working at Mohegan Sun as a Wardrobe Attendant. <b>If Mohegan Sun is a newspaper, be sure to put those two words in italics; if it's something else, then all is fine.</b>

A. I am looking for law enforcement and/or administration type positions in the criminal justice field (e.g., police officer, detective, FBI agent)
<b>Delete "type" and put a period after the closing parenthesis at the end.</b>

A. I am not looking for becoming a parole officer, correctional officer, and security officer in the criminal justice field or other type positions outside the criminal justice field.
<b>Delete "becoming a" and insert "positions as" -- delete "type"</b>

A. I am looking for an entry level to mid level experience in the criminal justice field. I would like to believe that with my various qualifications I am eligible for supervisory positions; however, I do not have sufficient work related experience to show that I can handle what I am looking for.
<b>"entry-level" and "mid-level" need to be hyphenated; delete "would like to" -- otherwise, it's OK.</b>

A. I have looked in the state of Connecticut (e.g., Norwich) and in other states, but have not made a final decision as far as what state in particular. For the time being, I would like to see if there are positions in CT that I am interested in before looking in another state.
<b>First sentence is wordy. Write: "I have looked in Connecticut and other states, but have not decided on any particular state. My preference is to find a job in Connecticut.</b>

A. I am willing to commute as far as 30 minutes from where I reside once I purchase a car of my own. Therefore, Norwich will be my primary option as far as job openings at this point.
<b>Rather than "I am willing" it'd be better to write "I will be able..." You also might reverse those sentences if you don't own a car now. Like this: "Norwich, CT, is my primary option at this point, but I will be able to ... "</b>

<b>Think on those a bit; I'll be back in a little while to finish these.

=)</b>
Answered by Writeacher
A. I am looking for a salary that is greater than what I earn at Mohegan Sun ($ 09.73 per hour) and consistent with my training, education, and other qualifications I have. Perhaps, in the $ 20.00 + mark.
<b>Again, italics for "Mohegan Sun" if it's a newspaper; otherwise, it's OK. Delete the space between $ and 9. Delete the last sentence.</b>

A. I have <b>passed</b> the Regional Entry Examination for Police Officer in the state of CT.<b><~~note the deleted words</b> I am currently applying for <b>positions in</b> several police departments. I did not qualify for Police Officer in Groton, CT<b><~~add comma</b> because I did not pass the oral examination. I was unable to attend the oral examination for New London, CT because I was on vacation and now have to wait until their next Police Officer selection process date. I had an oral examination for Willimantic, CT last week and am waiting for an acceptance letter if I am qualified. <b>What is this section for? Generally, you should omit all negatives such as what you have written here; those can be explained during an interview, if asked.</b>

A. I have had interviews for Police Officer positions in Groton, CT (which I did not pass) and Willimantic, CT (which I am waiting to see if I passed). <b>Add a comma after "pass)" -- the last comment in parentheses is awkward; better to say this: "Willimantic, CT, the result of which is pending." (no parentheses there)

Let me know if you have questions.

=)</b>
Answered by Manny to Writeacher
Looks great! Thank you for your help.
Answered by Writeacher
You're very welcome!

=)
Answered by safia
higschool
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