Question

Could you please check these sentences, too? Thank you. (especially the description of the monster).

1) Before leaving for Ingolstadt his father gives him the journal, his mother wanted him to have on his graduation.
2) It contains blank leaves to be filled with the deeds of a noble life.
In Ingolstadt Victor combines his new-found knowledge of natural science with alchemic ideas of his old masters.
3) In a moment of inspiration he perceives the means by which inanimate materials can be imbued with life.
4) He sets about constructing a man using (or from?) various organic human parts.
5) The monster has dull, yellow, watery eyes which seem almost of the same colour as the dun-white sockets (which liken the dun-white sockets?) in which they are set. He has thin, black lips, and a shrivelled complexion.
6) His yellow skin enables to see the pulsing work of his muscles, arteries, and veins.
7) These physical traits constrast with his shiny black and flowing (I need a synonym) hair and pearly white teeth.
8) He rushes from the room and returns to his badchamber. However, he cannot get to sleep.

Answer 1

Commas needed ... again and again!! Do you still have that link?

Also a comma or two NOT needed!

Delete words in parentheses.

There's a word needed in #6.

7 - "... his long, shiny, black hair ..."