hotheaded, volcanic-tempered = redundant; choose one of these adjectives and delete the other
insert "and" between "tall" and "slim" and delete the comma
Always... = fragment, not a complete sentence; fix it
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/fragments.htm
eyes cannot cringe; find a different verb; also start a new sentence with "eyes"
as if he were (not "was")
"personality, he" = run-on; fix it
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/runons.htm
For a conclusion, add what you think will happen to him in the future. Will he turn pro? Will he become a nicer person? What?
Please help me with a conclusion for my paragraph...
Eric Yiadom is a hotheaded volcanic tempered basketball player whose attitude often leads others to malign him. He is tall, slim with dark olive skin and has short red hair as hot as his temper. On the court he lacks sportsmanship. Always causing a tantrum and putting others down after games has been lost; his eyes will cringe, and become infuriated, yet he will start making excuses to why the game was unfair. Seeing the heat radiating through his body you’ll see the death in his eyes and steam steaming out of his ears, as if he was out to kill. Not only is his attitude a problem when it comes to his personality, he is self-centered. He thinks highly of himself, and will turn any subject around so it's about him, and then proceed to ramble on about himself.
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