Question

Can you look at my rough outline to see if my points and my main idea is relevant to my focus? And if it isn't, please give me specific ideas on how to improve?

----

I'm writing a paragraph on the focus:
A leader is a representative of the totalitarian control over the submissive people. (crushing the individuals)

My main idea: manipulation
A leader has totalitarian control over the submissive people by manipulating their minds.

My points:
1: uses peoples' vulnerabilities to snare them
2: influences people to fear him/her
3: uses their bad qualities, actions, behaviour, etc. to punish the people

Answer 1

for my first point, it's *ensnare* not snare!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 2

I'd either add a 4th point or change #2 to include "influences/forces people to do what he/she wants" -- something like that.

Answer 3

This looks great, except I'm having trouble with your third point.

How does a totalitarian leader use people's bad qualities to punish them? Hitler used violent criminals to persecute the Jews and guard the concentration camps.

Answer 4

Hmmm...maybe that a totalitarian leader looks for flaws and/or excuses to punish someone

I don't know how to rephrase that point *sighs*

Answer 5

Totalitarian leaders mainly punish those who are a perceived threat to them. They punish those who threaten their power, even in minor ways. Hitler also punished/killed homosexuals, Jews, and others that he felt were inferior to "real" Germans.