Question

Considering the fact that I am a survivor of a relatively traumatic car accident, I am exceedingly cautious when it comes to driving and am advocate for doing anything to improve the well being of our community on the road. A significant problem relating to car accident is alcohol impairs judgment and depending on a person’s size, tolerance and the ethanol’s potency, it can do some substantial damage. When you are behind the wheel, it is your responsibility as much as the other cars when on the road to be as alert, cautious & safe as possible. The best way to bring to an end to drunk driving is to necessitate more rigorous consequences for any person caught drinking & driving. The fines ought to be a good deal higher and their license should be eradicated after the 3rd allegation. The contemporary legal limit is 0.8 but should be lowered to at least 0.5 to be on the safe side. There should always be a designated driver if you are under the influence. A designated driver is basically a person who consents not to drink alcohol and be held accountable for driving others home. It is everyone’s responsibility to be safe because safety is no accident.




Can someone perfect that for me? It has to be a 8 sentence paragraph.

Answer 1

I could, but it would not be to your advantage.

1. Proof it yourself. There are glaring errors and omissions in it.
2. Some of the wording is of slang usage
...license should be <i>eradicated</i>?

3. Reread this paragraph. It is poorly constructed, and I am fairly certain you can do better.

Answer 2

Please go over your paragraph with the following in mind. Thanks to PsyDAG for the following:

In the future, if nobody is available to proofread your work, you can do this yourself. After writing your material, put it aside for a day — at least several hours. (This breaks mental sets you might have that keep you from noticing problems.) <b>Then read it aloud as if you were reading someone else's work.</b> (Reading aloud slows down your reading, so you are less likely to skip over problems.)

[You can also either read it aloud to someone else or have someone else read it aloud to you! (The latter works really well!)]

If your reading goes smoothly, that is fine. However, <b>wherever you "stumble" in your reading, other people are likely to have a problem in reading your material. Those "stumbles" indicate areas that need revising.</b>

Once you have made your revisions, repeat the process above. Good papers often require many drafts.

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And here are three really good websites that will help, too.

http://blog.eduify.com/index.php/2009/10/28/editing-secrets-everyone-should-know/

http://teacher.sheboyganfalls.k12.wi.us/staff/dehogue/FSSH/proof.htm

http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/composition/proofing.htm