Question

An Aging Eight-Year-Old's Aging Skincare Routine
1. Oh no! Look at my eyes. The bags under my baby blues are the color of asphalt because I only slept thirteen and a half hours last night. My lips have thinned because I ran out of lip balm two days ago. And when I smile, I see the faintest line next to my left eye. I can't possibly be seen like this… in the second grade.

2. I need a weighted eye mask to reduce this puffiness. I need an exfoliator stat to reduce my fine lines. I need a mega balm to keep my lips plump as an overinflated birthday balloon.

3. "I need to go to the beauty store, stat!" I shout to Mommy.

4. Mommy nods—knowing the utter importance of this pursuit. Away goes my empty bookbag—who needs to read when the goal is a perfect pout? And we whisk away in Mommy's Range Rover to the beauty store.

5. Forget Tildie's Toy Box. Who needs toys when I can be beautiful? I'm inside my happy place, looking at photos of people with no pores. But I'm only eight—I don't notice this. Instead, I see beauty, power, pretty—the holy trinity.

6. Millions of unattainable, perfect people images seep inside my brain, creating an equally unattainable vision of what I will look like one day. But that doesn't matter. The work must begin before the tender age of ten. If I don't start treating my prepubescent skin now, I'm behind the eight ball, literally.

7. Scouring the scene, I'm drawn to the bright and bold tubes, tubs, and treatments. It's too much for my tiny brain to process. But it's so pretty, and I'm going to be pretty. Is there anything else?

8. I beg Mommy to buy six exfoliants, five serums, four moisturizers, three eye creams, two facemasks, and a fruity lip balm named after a pear tree. The total is a little under five hundred dollars—a small price to pay for my future.

9. After a swipe of Mommy's card, we leave. I spend the rest of the day exfoliating, masking, and painting my face. When I'm done, my pout is perfect, the eye bags are gone, and the tiny line next to my left eye has disappeared. Mission accomplished.

10. I'm ready to tackle Show and Tell tomorrow with my bag full of beauty treatments. Forget stuffies, slime, and softball. I’m fighting the big fight—wrinkles at eight years old.



What two words would best communicate the two themes of An Eight-Year-Old's Aging Skincare Routine?
A satire
B metaphor
C seriousness
D irony
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Answer 1

A and D — satire and irony.

The piece playfully criticizes (satirizes) the beauty industry and societal obsession with youth by presenting an exaggerated scenario, and it relies on the ironic contrast of an eight‑year‑old treating herself like an aging adult.